RL Colliding With My DL Life

I’m kind of at a stage in life where I feel like I’m trapped in quicksand. Seeing all my classmates getting good jobs, married and moving into their new homes and buying cars, I just feel that I’m in a time bubble. I’ve always known that I was a slow poke, but I never thought it would be this hard to see my friends whizz past in flashy lifestyles, so to speak.

For the past several months now, I’ve been presented with the horrifying prospect of failing at my current venture. That would literally spell the end of my social life as I know it in Singapore. And it is extra scary because I have little experience in the outside working world, and a career change at this point to my childhood dream professions of writing and/or animation are just not practical. I have elderly parents and a dependent grandmother. I’ve got absolutely no choice but to pull through.

And they keep asking where is their daughter-in-law. Eventually my dad was forced to acknowledge that I’m not seeing anyone. But with everyone ageing and stuff, I can’t just ignore the reality. The reality is that until 1) I finish my course and get a job and 2) I settle the DL question and get a girlfriend, I cannot settle down.

Quit, don’t quit. Diapers, don’t diapers. I need to focus on the present. I’ve just run out of motivation. I’ve spent way too much time on my ABDL writings, to an extent they have become a form of escapism for me. It’s the only thing I’m really good at. Unfortunately, I cannot get any job in Singapore (or pretty much anywhere) with storytelling skills.

I keep choosing diapers faithfully. Now they are starting to bite the ass that feeds them. 

I need to focus on the path ahead of me.

 – Selv

Missing The Slot

You know, I was full of writing ideas just yesterday. But I’ve forgotten all of them in my rush to prepare for my quizzes. 

So maybe let’s discuss that time where I wore a diaper while sharing a room with another person. Let’s keep in mind that wearing one when your roommates don’t not know is a somewhat risky operation.

Anyway, I had returned from the library that night and I fount the room to be empty. While I hadn’t planned it, that day I had gotten a chance to execute something which I had dome some rough planning for.

So I found the room empty. I quickly closed the door and retrieved a diaper. Gathered my fresh clothes for that night, and went to shower. Put it on, and went back to my room. All this time he wasn’t back yet. So I went about doing some work, and eventually he did return. But I was seated the whole time and it was impossible for him to have noticed. 

Eventually I fell asleep sometime in the early hours. My roommate has a very weird schedule. He sleeps for 2 hours and does work for 2 hours. Maybe he sleeps during the day, but I don’t know. I’m always out during the day. Anyway, he leaves the room for breakfast at a fixed time every day, and the plan was for me to get up and shower in that time-slot. 

From that build up, you’ve probably guessed that I missed that slot. Yes, I did miss a crucial slot. But everything else that morning happened in a blur.

I lay in bed, unable to sleep but pretending to be asleep, when he unexpectedly starts to dress up and gathers his notes. He grabs his bag and leaves!

Quickly, I rush into the shared toilet. I decide to skip brushing teeth first and shower. And just as I’m getting out, another hostel-mate comes in, and is waiting outside the door for me to come out. In a near state of panic, I gather my clothes and shower things, and walk out. The way I held the concealed diaper was definately suspicious.

I don’t know what made me do it, but I immediately stuffed it into my schoolbag after wrapping it in plastic. I slowly got around to getting ready for school. But my thoughts were interrupted when my roommate returned to the room! 

How was it possible? I thought he was going for class! He even started to change out of his attire, indicating he was going to stay. The silver lining was that I had hidden everything. Quickly gathered my things, and left, dumping the package into one of the professor’s house trash bins along the way. 

So yeah, I don’t think I’ll be doing that again anytime soon. Nothing beats getting a food night sleep in a diaper, but I don’t wish to tell my roommate about this. Maybe in the western world people are open about these things. After all, why should one care about another’s choice of underwear? But in an Asian society, the risk of getting outed is quite high. And he is not exactly a friend, just a roommate. 

It’s not worth the risk. I’ll just stick to carrying a diaper around with me in my backpack. For the record, those other room’s dumbasses do not lift a finger to help clean the bathrooms. They refuse to even discuss the topic. Unfortunately I need a clean bathroom. I guess it’s some form of karma for me, since I don’t use the toilet as much. 

– Selv

Carrying A Diaper Around

It’s been 2 weeks ever since I made the decision to carry a diaper around with me in my bag. I don’t need it, and I never put it in my bag with the intention to use it in the first place.

I’m not exactly sure why I’ve been carrying it around. Sometimes I get reminded that it is ridiculous that there is a diaper just cm away from me. Be it to class, to the professor’s office, in a drama theatre, this particular diaper has been following me around.

I keep it deep inside my bag, wrapped in a cloth haversack so it doesn’t get exposed by accident. It even has the added benefit of acting as padding for my lower back, buffering the bouncing motion of my books as I walk.

It does bring me a little comfort, that there is a diaper there. I don’t need it, but if I want to I can use it. It’s there if I need want it. Like the security blanket it promises to be. I mean, it’s for me, not for some random ABDL girl in need that I just-so-happened to chance upon right? It’s just odd, to be very frank, that a university student feels comfort because there is a diaper within arm’s reach, all the time.

But I have noticed the sense of calm that it has brought upon me. Previously I would worry that should I really need a diaper, and had the chance, that I wouldn’t have the chance to use it. Though in practice that day hasn’t arrived yet, I’ll be ready for it. And there is a practical use in terms of back support so, why not?

– Selv

Hiding In Diapers

I’m surprised at the amount of time I’ve been spending in diapers lately. Even though I haven’t been using them.

At first I thought it was because of the pressures and stresses of school. But while the academic levels of stress are roughly the same as before, I didn’t join any cca this year so technically I should be have a little more wiggle-room right?

Maybe it’s because I’m juggling my Patreon and Tumblr writings together with my academics and social life. Patreon has not been going well cos the take up rate is low, but then again we do live in a world where pictures and videos are regarded more highly than writing.

But it’s also a reminder that unlike my academics and social life, there’s no one irl who I can consult about my writing jobs. It’s been a real struggle, putting out what I consider to be quality content but it’s just not attracting people. It’s definitely better than the many stories you find on ABDL forums, but that gives little solace to me.

Anyway I’ve been spending my late afternoons and evening doing my school work, and I’ve been spending more and more of this time in my hostel room and diapered. I do occasionally venture out to the communal reading room while in a diapered state but then again there is no interaction with others so it isn’t really a worry.

Of course I do have a budget and that currently restricts me to about 1 diaper a day. So sometimes I do silly things. Like take off my diaper around dinnertime, walk over to the canteen to eat and use the toilet, and then once I’m back in my room I put it on again for the rest of the night.

I’ve talked about the perks of not having to use the communal toilet before, what with truly disgusting neighbours who wash their shoes in the sink. But I definitely love the comfort and convenience that diapers provide me.

Taking castor oil clears you out completely, but it just looks like a wet diaper doesn’t it?

– Selv

Diapers and Hostels

Hi guys,

It has been a little busy for me again, with my holiday job and my holiday. I could barely find time to sit down to write my short stories, but the moment people started to pay to view, I had to deliver. I haven’t abandoned my blog, I’m just struggling.

I did have some trouble keeping up with the schedule but I’ve started building up my ‘queue’ of posts coming up so hopefully I can focus on other things, like my blog here, and that ebook of legend. 

But I also want to really sit myself down and get started on the animated series. There are some people who have gotten going with similar projects and as the late starter, I foresee that I will experience all off the challenges they have run into. But I am determined to get this project off the ground by year’s end.

In the meanwhile I have to get started on school! Another academic year has started yet again. I managed to move into my hostel in time for the school year, getting back the same room. But I’ve yet to adjust. I woke up at 1pm today on just the second day of school! All because I didn’t hear my alarms ring?!

I also decided to buy my diapers in bulk again like I did for the last semester. But the prices being quoted for bulk purchases this time i.e. cartons, were very expensive. Last semester I had gotten a carton of 6 packs for $50, but as the time to move in started getting closer there were only cartons available in the $60+ range. 

My window for moving in was very tight. We are only allowed to collect our keys the weekend before school starts. And I only had the family car during the weekends. And if I were to buy diapers in bulk, I would need the car. And to prevent my dad from asking questions I could only have the car for one weekend. So I had to buy the diapers on the way to school.

As luck would have it, Changi Hospital Pharmacy was having a promotion – $8.88 for a pack of TSS medium. It was such a rare deal! So on the day of my key collection I drove down. They didn’t sell in cartons but I wasn’t going to let such a deal slip away (haha), so I bought six packs. Would have bought more if I could have carried it.

Anyway, I drove in to school, waited in the long queue to check in, watched a Netflix-worthy drama unfold as some students were denied collection due to failed payments, collected my keys and rushed to clean my room, and then started shifting my stuff up, as I couldn’t park the car at the slip road (hehe) for too long.

I had to carry up my diapers the last because there were other students unloading too. And that was when I realised that I was lucky not to have purchased the carton. Because if you have read the other post Tena is NOT discreet when packaging its products. Anyway it was a chiong-sua (cycle gap/split second timing) situation between making sure the others were preoccupied and running towards the gate with two bulging bags filled to the brim with sixty adult diapers.

But no matter, I have a sufficient supply for months now. 

– Selv

Swimming in Schoolwork

A new school year has started and I’m continuing to exist in this superfluous train of lessons. It’s been a real struggle and I must admit I’m not coping with all. I still remain with the Photography society but I’ve decided it’s time to step down from the other cultural club.

I’ve been really busy these past 5 weeks, reason being I’ve been working part time for Deliveroo during the evenings. The whole month experience deserves a series of posts, which I’ll write separately as it has truly been an eye-opener for me.

But I’ve stopped working temporarily. I really cannot cope with my schoolwork anymore and I figured that I need the time to study. I still need the money. But as I don’t need it yet, work can wait.

Quitting the cultural club outright was a system shock for me. I left mainly because I knew I wouldn’t be able to cope with studies, work and a second CCA. But I new that if I stayed, they would squeeze me dry again. Which is fine since its part of your responsibilities. Except, I never really felt part of the gang. Of course I didn’t tell them  that but the incoming president must have sensed it.

But life can be cruel. Several members of this CCA attend the same Astronomy lecture as me and I, well, have friends now for that module. The president and the rest managed to convince me to remain part of one of their outreach groups – the Band Wing.

Which brought me to the doors of a music academy last week. To sign up for Flute lessons. To continue classes which I stopped 12 years ago. I am 24 now.

The trial session lasting 10 minutes was super awkward. I had to gatecrash another student’s lesson and borrow his flute. Holes appeared in my haven’t-played-for-12-years story when I could play the 7 notes with little trouble, but my new teacher didn’t really ask, and I don’t plan to tell him. Tell him that I played for a concert 6 months ago and was now an instrumentalist-to-be in an amateur band.

Life…

– Selv

The Traffic Offence – Short Story

Happy Fourth of July to my American friends! Here’s a short story I’ve written, something different from my usual posts.

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“I need to buy more diapers tomorrow,” Annette thought to herself as she entered her room. It was just past nine at night, and she had just taken her shower. Closing the door, she knelt down towards her closet, disregarding her unravelling towel and the ominous rumble in her tummy.

She rummaged through her lower drawer, to retrieve a diaper for the night. The Tena Slip Super packaging was empty. The Abena AbriForm packaging was empty too. How about the Lille SupremFits? What, it was empty too?

Annette stood up, as the realisation dawned on her that she was out of diapers. She first sat on her bed, then lay down, realising that her mistake meant no diapers for the night. She bit her lip as she thought. It had been at least five years since she last wet the be so it wasn’t an issue, but the thought of having to poop on the toilet in the morning started to gnaw at her already upset tummy. She stood up.

Quickly, she pulled on a pair of jeans and a school t-shirt, and grabbed her keys. ‘I need my diapers tonight,’ she muttered to herself as she locked her room and descended the stairs of her university hostel.

She got onto her motorcycle, a Bajaj Pulsar, and kick-started the engine. It quickly roared to life. Soon, she was speeding out of the carpark and onto the Avenue. The track adjacent was full of joggers whom Annette noticed turned to look at her, as they always did when she zoomed past. But she ignored them and started thinking about where she could get her security padding at this hour.

She wanted to get her hands on some Tena Slips, but knew that the bigger pharmacies were likely to be closed. She settled on getting some Tena Values diapers. They were plastic-backed, but at least they held a decent amount of liquid. As she tore down the streets towards her destination, she was acutely aware of the worsening cramps in her stomach.

Quickly, Annette parked her bike. She clenched her stomach, and as she took off her helmet she tried to let out some gas to relieve the pressure, which was unexpectedly loud. But there wasn’t anyone nearby. She quickly walked over to the supermarket. It was nearly closing time, but she had made it in time. She walked slowly towards the diaper section, taking small detours, well aware that the weary staff were eyeing the last customer of the day.

She quickly bent down to compare the prices. Yes, the Tena Values were still more value-for-money than Certainty Diapers and the other house-brand diapers. So she quickly picked up an M sized pack, and, with her stomach now throbbing in earnest, limped towards the cashier.

The old lady at the counter raised an eyebrow at her purchase, but said nothing. Annette felt herself freezing as she farted again, and to her horror, the sound she made was barely audible. The cashier chuckled as she handed her change to her.

“Go, quickly,” she added jokingly. But Annette was not amused.

“That are not for me, its for my grandma,” she lied flatly as she grabbed the package and turned to leave.

But she had taken no more than ten steps when she knew that she needed to go right then. So she headed towards the nearby toilets to put one on. She repeatedly thanked her lucky stars that there wasn’t anyone who was nearby to hear the loud crinkling she was making as she hurried to put on her diaper. And as she attached the last tape, she realised that she didn’t have any wet wipes with her.

She took a deep breath to calm herself down – regretting immediately as the stench of the toilet hit her – before grudgingly smoothening out her diaper and pulling on her jeans. She grabbed the plastic bag containing her purchase, and headed towards the carpark. Quickly starting her motorcycle, she willed her stomach to cooperate, put her purchase in her rear box, and sat down on her machine.

The padding helped soothe her nerves a little, so she put the bike in gear and set off. Turn left onto the main street, then she would be back in her hostel in ten minutes before she got her sweet relief. However the intensity of her impending tsunami get magnifying, so she cranked the throttle and blazed towards her hostel, doing 100 in a 60kmph zone. Just get this over with, she thought to herself.

She turned the corner, and a part of her died when she saw it. The unmistakable action of a traffic police officer gesturing her towards the pavement, meant that she was definitely a fly caught in their notoriously random sting operation. And as she stood peeing herself as the charge was read out to her, the eight demerit points and possible $120 fine didn’t bother her as much as the seismic moment she knew was going to happen in 5…4…3…2…1…

“Alright Miss, since you weren’t driving under the influence of alcohol we will let you go for now. We will send the offence notice to your registered address, and you can leave once you sign this… Miss, are you alright?”

Annette’s face went a bright shade of red as she started to grunt. Bending her knees slightly, her left hand slightly reached out behind her.  She lost attention to what was happening and focused on relieving herself, completely ignoring the police officer who was not much older than herself. Perplexed, he took a step back, surveying her unusual posture. Was she really pooping, or was she about to puke?

Noticing the awkward position she had put him in, she took the document and signed it, before turning to walk away. She waddled slightly, cringing as all the officers eyed her and her exposed jeans, her shirt doing little to shield it. Lifting her bike off its stand, she swung a leg over, before cringing as she sat down. She heard an ‘OMG’ from an officer.

As she rode off into the night, she reflected to herself that she had uncontrollably messed herself in front of a police officer. She hoped that it wouldn’t be recorded down in the offence notice that her dad was sure to open.

– Story by me

Jettisoning

My mind is dizzied with the emotions running though. I don’t usually hang out with my society friends, especially on a friday night, but I knew I needed to get it off my mind.

Girls think men must move mountains to profess their love for her, but I disagree. Cos when you have moved a truckload and she doesn’t respond more than 3 words, you know that it is a lost cause. Do girls know what it is like to think of a good message every day that isn’t creepy sounding? Do girls know how much guts it takes to arrange a meet with a crush? It’s not easy to forget. Especially when I chose you over my tests several times this semester. Even God was trying to make me forget by giving me a pseudo-date yesterday (with a girl who wants an arranged marriage, but that’s not the point).

My mind is distressed,

refusing to rest,

knowing it’s a test,

disagreeing it’s for the best.

– Selv

Flip Flops

“Hello ma’am, the common room is now closed. Please leave,” the security guard barked.

Sophie jumped, she had been keenly listening to her recorded lecture. Nevertheless, she stood up  and slowly packed her bag, hoping that the security guard would go away. But the guard just stood at the door, holding it open. With no choice, she left.

Walking briskly, her slippers flip-flopping noisily, she began her long walk back to her hostel room. But she had barely walked 20 steps before the first wave hit her.

“C’mon Sophie, you can make it,” she told herself, reducing her impact. Having IBS was not fun, but getting the urge at unexpected moments was not the worst part.

As she rounded a corner, she felt another strong urge. But this now was too strong to disobey. She limped to a corner under a staircase, and bore down.

A minute later, she felt her pants. Nothing had leaked.

– Story by Selv

Time Slips Away

As some of you may be aware, Tena has revamped its Slip line.

On the surface, the older Tena Slips were more good looking. They both have the same features, but the new slip is thinner, and stretchier. After just half a pack, I feel that the new Slips are a vast improvement. (Much easier to have BMs, for starters)

I’ll post a review soon, probably in 2-3 weeks time. I’ve been so busy with school stuff that I hardly have time for myself now.

Take care people!

– Selv