Feelings are one of the few things that are truly complex.
I had an eye for this girl. She is a strong-willed person, studying (at NTU’s Wee Kim Wee School of) Communications and Information. I was feeling a little let down, wondering if I should approach her, and how. As usual, fate had its plans for me.
I’m in one of the subcommittees (sub-com) for my hall of residence. It is a big group of about 15 people, and I was the outsider as I wasn’t able to get a place for the hall’s freshmen orientation camp. This girl was a member too. The ice took a fair bit of time to thaw, but I did manage to make a few friends.
Another sub-com member needed to borrow a camera to photograph a hall event. I volunteered to lend her mine and on the day of the event, I was horrified to learn that she didn’t know how to use a DLSR. So I spent a fair bit of time to coach her on how to use it. (Basically I set it to Tv mode and taught her to change the shutter speed.)
And guess who approaches us? It was the girl whom I had an eye for. She listens for a fair bit on how to use the DSLR. And she asks if she too could borrow it when it was her turn to take pictures. And I agree.
That was how I got to know her personally. I lent her my camera when it was her turn, and we got to know each other a tiny bit. It wasn’t to say that I wasn’t keeping my options open with other girls, but this chance did seem quite promising.
Last tuesday, we had a sub-com photo shoot. Basically we all wore our sub-com tee and jeans, and we posed for a group photo. I noticed her looking in my direction, only to look away when I looked up at her. And this kept happening a number of times. So, I decided to make some sort of a move, and I found an excuse to start a conversation, and waited for an opportunity. Once the photoshoot was over, as we were leaving the room in a single file, I positioned myself right behind her. She knew that I was right behind. What happened next caught me off guard.
Another guy from our sub-com walked up behind her, touches her butt, and says “Hi (nickname), want to go eat dinner?”.
She turns around, visibly embarrassed that he had done such things in front of several people. Her eyes flit to mine one last time, before I bypass her. And I continued on, trying my hardest not to turn back.
This is one reason why I am weary of girls. You just can’t decipher their actions, and more often than not, I’ve mistaken those actions for something else. It took me half an hour to build up the courage to say something to her, but 5 seconds was all it took for me to realise that she was probably romantically involved with this other guy.
I was in a high that day – a euphoria that comes after completing two important tests. Those 5 seconds shattered my mood completely that evening. It was part of the reason why I didn’t put out a blog post that day. I took a shower, and went straight to bed.
I have been fooled yet again. I had reached a disappointingly incorrect conclusion. Perhaps the universe was reminding me that one should not assume and think too much, and to just make a move with a girl early on to avoid disappointment.