Diapers In A Backpackers Hostel

I’ve always wanted to attend the Melbourne Comedy Festival. The first time I went to Melbourne, I had just missed it, and everyone was just going on and on about it. This time however, it was a confluence of events which only made it even more crucial that I had to catch it. The thing is, could I also turn this into another Diapered Escapade – since I hadn’t had one since 2019?

To be honest, the timeline was quite tight as I had assignments due. But one of my most favourite writers was performing in their debut show, and I knew I had to catch it. To make matters more enticing, Hamilton was in town! I had just missed it when I was in Sydney – my show there got cancelled cos one of the cast had covid – so this time, I had another chance to catch it. The dates lined up perfectly with the Easter-Recess week holiday, and with the pandemic raging on and on, I knew that I should grab this chance while I could. And why not tour the area while I could?

That meant, that once I added in the flight, show and tour tickets, I was seriously over budget. And I had to eat outside food as well, putting a dent in the budget as well. Coupled with sky-high hotel rates, I had just one choice for accommodation – to stay in a backpackers hostel. Well, looks like a proper Diapered Escapade was out of question. Then again, I took DEs to ‘escape’ home, but now that I was living on my own, do I really need escapes now? Diapers yes, but escape from who?

I pondered that as I landed in Melbourne on that bright and sunny Good Friday. Like every backpacker on a budget, I arrived with just a single backpack bursting at the seams, and took the public bus right into the heart of the CBD, where my hostel was. I stayed at the Village Melbourne, a stone throw’s away from the Queen Victoria market, and importantly, within walking distance to all my venues. I didn’t get the best of vibes when checking in, the staff were a little gruff, but I guess people of my profile must have caused the most trouble, so I brushed it off.

I was given a bunk bed, and I was sharing a room with several other guys. Our room had its own bathroom unfortunately, which was eating into the little privacy that I already had. It was, after all, the only place I could change into and out of my diapers. And, it was very quiet in that small room.

It only sunk in just how little privacy I had that night, just before my shower. I had just returned from my first show, admittedly a little let down cos I had sort of expected more from the show. But that sinking feeling was exacerbated when I returned to my room where several other men lay in bed and were probably watching my every move. So, I had to be sneaky but not suspicious.

And so every night, I showered just before bed. I would try to extract my diaper as silently as possible from my bag, then I would hide it in my night clothes, grab my towel, and then go into the bathroom. And every time, the toilet would not be flushed. Seriously, I began to question my sanity, for I just couldn’t understand how hard could it be to press that dammed flush button? I wear diapers to precisely avoid pressing it, but it seemed like I was the only one who ever pressed it.

Anyway, the real fun started after my shower. I had to get out, dry myself, and then switch on the shower again to create some background noise. This was because, although cloth-backed diapers are mostly silent once you’ve put them on, the tapes are not silent when you are opening them. And I could not do it quickly either, and had to balance carefully on my slippers cos the floor was dirtier than a landfill. Ah, fun times.

Oh wait, did I mention that I was sharing the room with several others? A few times eh? Yeah, so you might have guessed that ironically, the only place to use my diaper was in – you guessed it – the bathroom. Unfortunately, in the mornings when the others were asleep, that place was dead silent. I’ve never heard myself going in high definition audio – that’s how amplifyingly quiet it was. And once I had showered, it was a heart-racing exit from the bathroom, clutching my used diaper and clothes. Picture fantastic Mr Fox creeping out of his foxhole being watched by Boggis, Bounce and Bean. I really couldn’t wear my diaper outside though, cos Melbourne was so crowded, kind of like Singapore but with trams, so that meant that any smells would have been a public nuisance.

Oh well, never relished the comfort and security of my uni hostel more.

– Selv

Wattpad Story – When She Answered Nature’s Call

For a few months now I have been writing an ABDL story on wattpad. It’s actually a rewrite of an older story I wrote, but I’ve added more chapters to it to make it more complete.

The story is at its end now but do give it a look if you haven’t already, and do leave a comment there to say whether you like this kind of story, or let me know what elements don’t work.

You can read this story by heading to Wattpad or by clicking this link.

When I Switched My Daily Diaper

Longtime readers of this blog would know that my go-to diaper has been the Tena Slip Super. I must have worn them more than any other diaper, and while most of my readers prefer plastic-backed diapers, I have been a fan of cloth-backed diapers.I have been wearing them more or less since 2014, so it has been my nighttime companion, and its characteristics have been an inspiration for some of my short stories.

To recap, the TSS is a tape-on cloth-backed medical diaper with above-average absorbency compared to most others the market. It isn’t the most absorbent – e.g its famous cousin the Tena Slip Maxi has more drop ratings – but it is the most readily available higher-absorbency product in Singapore and the ASEAN region. It also has a relatively high price of $1.40 per piece – although I have been getting them for $0.89 per piece at CGH pharmacy – and are readily available only at bigger supermarket stores. But to me the most important factor is that they are discreet – being cloth-backed they are very silent and the tapes do not groan.

Unfortunately I can’t get them easily here in Australia at similarly low prices. As mentioned in my previous post, you can’t buy diapers in stores but only online. So I had to explore. My three important conditions were that 1) they had to be taped-on cloth-backed diapers, 2) they had to be lowly priced and 3) they have to be shipped discreetly. It would also be a bonus if they could match the absorbency of the TSS ones.

And so, after trying a few different diaper, I settled for Dailee Slip Super (DSS) diapers. They are cloth-backed and currently cost about $1.21 per piece and are shipped discreetly, and they also seem to match the absorbency of TSS diapers.

So now I had identified a suitable replacement. I just needed to get used to wearing it. Each brand has different fits and cuttings. Why, even within Tena’s family of products the TSS has different sizing to the TVD and the discontinued plastic-backed Tena Slip Maxi.

And I’m glad to say that I find them very comfortable. They are the right thickness and they wrap themselves perfectly around without using uncomfortable elastic waist-bands. And they do not swell up significantly which is a big boost to comfort. I’ll post a full review soon.

I remember the last time I switched my daily diaper. Back in 2015, I was using a mix of Tena Values and store-brands, which were all plastic-backed. I was hesitant to switch to Tena because they really cost a lot (this was before CGH began to offer discounts), and I was a broke uni student. But when I finally got my own hostel room to myself and realised I could finally wear them for extended hours, I decided to take a hit to my wallet in exchange for comfort.

I did have to adjust to them because previously, plastic-backed diapers were very hot to wear at night in Singapore’s weather. And although a switch to the breathable backing was a good thing, I just couldn’t sleep in them. And the cloth-backing was actually thicker, so I had trouble sleeping for a few weeks. Although admittedly that could have also been caused by stress from school, but the switch didn’t make things easier.

Luckily this time, I did not have major sleep issues when I switched from TSS to DSS. And the diaper that I have chosen is much more comfortable to wear. Maybe it is a sign that cloth-diaper design has really come a long way.

Sweet dreams, I hope.

• – Selv

Extended Diaper Hours

School has just started, and I didn’t know how much I missed studying. Especially studying while wearing diapers.

I am pretty lucky to have my own room this semester, with a shared bathroom. Fewer people share this single bathroom, and I can go from my room to the bathroom and back without getting noticed. Although I must say that the toilet does get pretty dirtied up. I probably shouldn’t name that demographic, but you all can pretty much guess which one. Some things don’t change wherever you go. Anyway…

Back in Singapore, I had previously been wearing diapers just to bed. This was because I had to restart with greater secrecy after the incident, so I would only put it on late at night just before sleeping, wake up in the morning, take off my diaper, and that was it – just 6 hours on the weekdays only. Most of my absorbent Tena Slip Super would be dry.

But now, I have the option of wearing my diaper earlier on in the evening, and depending on my timetable, I can sleep in on some days and even eat breakfast while waiting for my body to do its thing and not force it out. And that really makes a difference.

Although in essence, this is just extended hours of wearing diapers compared to my patterns in Singapore. I still wear them to go to bed, and I still use just one diaper a night (sometimes for 2 nights, depending on my stomach’s mood). But as a DL, wearing them while awake and doing ordinary things like watching shows and doing my hobbies (ahem… this blog), really makes a difference.

And yes, it really is comfortable. With winter approaching, my extra layer even acts like, well, an extra layer of heat. While my room does have those cushioned office chairs to go with my study table, that extra padding makes it oh so comfortable to just sit down and continue working. Non ABDLs really don’t know what they are missing out on.

And I know it sounds so cliche. Some of you are probably like – this sounds like that terrible fanfic on an ABDL story forum where that teenaged witch wore diapers just so that she could avoid the toilet for long hours blah blah. But I am a student and this is my writing blog so yes, I do draw inspiration from my personal life.

Of course, all of this is temporary. One day I will have to go back to Singapore. I will get married, and get a cat. But in the meantime, I will be appreciating this while it lasts.

– Selv

Buying Diapers in Australia

I had begun researching how to buy diapers long before I had arrived. I knew that I had to get them, and I thought that the cities here should have similar systems, so I didn’t think it was going to be a hassle. Boy was I wrong.

I was surprised to find that diapers weren’t sold in pharmacies. When I first arrived in Australia I spent a while in Sydney. Even in a world city like Sydney, it was very hard to find diapers. There aren’t walk-in pharmacies in hospital, but in Australia there are big retail pharmacies like Chemist Warehouse. And I noticed that hey only carry incontinence pads.

I tried looking at several other pharmacy chains, supermarkets and even box retailers like Kmart and Big W, but the closest thing I could find were pull-ups by Tena. It was disappointing, to say the least. Which meant that I had only one place to turn to.

There are a couple of dedicated websites that sell diapers, and I began looking through them. They weren’t too difficult to find, and most had a variety of products to choose from. Unfortunately, major brands including Tena and Molicare tend to be more pricey, and I suppose that is because they have to be imported. Before I continue, I’ll add that I was not approached to mention these sites and that these are my own thoughts.

I found 3 companies online which shipped diapers around. I’m not sure if they are the biggest, but they certainly had the biggest online presence. I did manage to find some Tena Slips, but they are quite pricey, at A$1.51 per piece, compared to S$0.89 in sg. Here’s a small table showing three sites.

Prices reflected of Feb 2022

I was a little miffed that most brands only had 20+ pieces per pack, and did not have 10-12 piece packs like in Singapore. This meant taking a risk, cos if I didn’t like them, I would be stuck with them for a month. Oh well, I didn’t have much choice, so my butt had to take a leap of faith.

I decided to give Confidence Club a try as they had free shipping above $50, and their price per piece for the medium-absorbency range Dailee Slip Super diapers was significantly lower than the other sites. They also had low range dips called Care Slip Plus, which looked related to the Dailee range. 

But I couldn’t find more info on them at that time so I decided to take a chance. They do have some ID Slip Plus diapers as well (which I bought later). Interestingly there was a single anonymous review on that site by an ABDL, who said that they were ‘useful for periods of study’. Oh well, that was an endorsement I didn’t know I’d appreciate.

They provide discreet shipping, in either plain plastic shipping packaging or in a plain box, with just a shipping label. Shipping was through Auspost, and the latter has been having some delays because of workers isolating, but otherwise I usually receive my packages within 10 days. 

As for the first time I ordered, it was a waiting game for me, cos I only had brought a limited supply of Tena Slips with me, but the parcel came within the advised period. I had a small scare cos I put in the wrong postal code. But Auspost must have dealt with that a lot cos the package arrived anyway. I actually went to the main building to check but they had sent it off to the hostel and it was there, waiting for me. Luckily as mentioned, the package was discreet so there were no questions asked. 

As for ABDL diapers, there are a couple of stores out there, such as My ABDL Supplies and Littles Down Under and another I won’t mention. That’s gives quite a wide range for ABDLs in this part of the world. I haven’t given them a try yet but yes, there is an option for for premium diapers.

So there you have it – diapers are available in Australia but to get the good stuff you need to go online. You can get ordinary diapers, without the hassle and humiliation of walking into a physical store. And in this digitalised world, that’s enough.

– Selv

Settling In

It’s been a while since I last wrote. And I figured now is the time for an update. I wasn’t really sure what I was going to do about this blog now that I am building a dedicated writing blog. But we’ll figure something out.

I have arrived in Australia for my studies, in the beautiful state of Tasmania. It really feels great to be here after a year of online studies, and I’m determined to make things count. I’ve managed to set up the things I need, and now that those mundane tasks are out of the way, we can think about ABDL stuff.

I found out very quickly that it is very hard to get diapers here in Australia. And it is the same in several cities as well. Unlike singapore, you cannot get them in supermarkets or most pharmacies. Just like on the mainland, a few pharmacies do carry incontinence pads, and I saw one – just one – pharmacy selling some Tena pull-ups. But not a single shop that I know of sells tape-on diapers.

I had to turn to online shopping to get my diapers. It says something about me that my very first online purchase with my Australian bank card was for diapers. Unfortunately you can’t get cheap Tena Slips here. There are some online retailers that sell them, but I found them to be very expensive. The diapers I’ve tried so far are pretty thin compared to the Tena Slips at home. I’ll talk about that experience in another post, as well as a bunch of reviews in the coming weeks.

I am currently living in a student hostel on the outskirts of my uni campus. Fortunately it is one room per person, though the other facilities like toilets and kitchen are shared. But that is enough privacy for me I’ll say. I can wear my diaper in my room and walk over to the toilet to change out without being noticed, and that is sufficient for me. As for disposal I don’t throw it in the hostel bins in case the smell leaks and the janitors become curious. So I usually bag my used diaper up and throw it out on the walk to school.

So, I hope to regain a regular writing schedule. I’ve managed to get into a somewhat stable schedule for my story writing so that’s a start. I’ve built a separate site for my writing and creative side. But I remembered to my horror that I’d actually paid the WordPress fees for this site for this year, so I have to start writing more.

So the tl;dr is to stay tuned to this blog for my continuing journey ABDL journey in Australia, and do check out my writing blog for ABDL stories once it is live.

Link for story blog

– Selv

Moving to Australia For Studies

In five days, I had to dismantle my Singaporean life, pack my belongings into 2 suitcases, dispose of everything else and say my goodbyes.

Honestly, that period was very unusual, and is mostly a blur now that I think back about it. But when you are living in a period where there is a worldwide pandemic happening, nothing is unusual.

It was the end of November. And at that point, my third semester of online studies had just ended, and I had thrown myself into work because of the events of the past few months. The Australian government was being overly cautious with border reopening and the return of visa holders. I get it – as a government going into an election, it had to do what’s best for its citizens. But I was living in the right place at the right time, and Australia decided to open up a travel bubble with Singapore.

Then the first Omicron cases began to be reported in Australia. I saw the news reports while I was at work. I knew it was bad but I did not react because you have to be focused while driving. But in a matter of minutes, the messages started flooding in from everyone who knew of my situation – get on a plane asap. That turned out to be the last shift I worked.

I spent the next day making frantic calls to people, and pretty much all of them said the same thing – the border situation is unpredictable, the only way to be sure is to get onto a plane asap. But I was not the only one. When I turned up at the Singapore Airlines booking office at ION to change my ticket date, there was a super long line. Many of them were students heading to their respective countries, the bulk were headed to Australia unsurprisingly. The courteous-but-tired staff told us that the wait was going to be long, and just gave us a sheet with special one-off instructions to change our ticket dates. I got that sorted out, and realised that I was going to be on a plane in less than 80 hours, for the first time in 2 years.

And then I started the great move-out. I had rehearsed this scene in my head multiple times over the months, so I didn’t really pause to figure it out, I just kept going. I did a lot of packing at night to not upset my parents and grandma, but some things like essential shopping I had to do in the day. My mum insisted on following me, and I didn’t stop her.

It seemed like the walls kept closing. The first Omicron case was reported in Australia 2 days before I was due to fly, and NSW suddenly imposed a 3-day “self-isolation”, which caused my initial hotel to cancel my booking. Nevermind, these were pandemic times and I just moved on without resisting.

In the middle of all this madness, I had a very big elephant in my room to address. My diaper library had to be sorted out as I knew it would be too risky to leave at home. So I decided to bring it with me. As unsuspiciously as I could, I retrieved them from their hiding place in room. I couldn’t post them over either as I would have to keep moving for the first month. So, I bought some haversacks from Daiso and managed to stuff all of them into 4 of them, which fit into my larger suitcase. That is how 1 out of the 2 bags I brought with me to Australia was filled to the brim with diapers.

I really didn’t realise just how long it would take to clear out my stuff, I was sorting and dumping until 1 hour before I was due to leave. Really makes you wonder just how much memorabilia one collects over their lifetime. But the easy part was over. My bags were packed and my documentation was in order. Now came the hard parts.

I never really thought about the seriousness of studying overseas, until I walked through the gates. I insisted that no one from my family came to the airport cos of Omicron, so my extended family decided to give a surprise farewell at my house instead. My parents saw me off at the airport though, I didn’t stop them. We took a selfie at the departure point before immigration. I went in, did the contactless check-out, turned around to wave goodbye to my parents, and started walking. And then, an uneasy silence.

The airside of the airport was empty. Few passengers, closed shops, no music. I went up to my gate and waited for my midnight flight. My mother suddenly called me. It was a video call. She was sitting in my room, teary eyed and crying. This was only the second time I had ever seen her cry in my life (the other being the death of her father). It greatly shook me. But I had to soldier on.

The flight itself was awful. SQ did a wonderful job as always, but this was a red-dye flight and I did not sleep at all! The idiot in front of me had left his reading light on and flight tracking on at full brightness before falling asleep. I tried to ignore it but all I could do was to close my eyes. I must have been the only person awake in my section, to the extent that the stewards kept waving to me every time they passed.

The plane landed in Sydney on schedule. I had to resist the urge to clap, but I could see many others were equally ecstatic that we had made it, at long last. Immigration was a breeze, no probing questions were asked at all, unlike the last times I had been to Australia.

I was subject to additional screening though. It was expected as I was a young, bearded, person of colour travelling alone. The checker meticulously went through my smaller luggage. When he came to my larger luggage, which held my diapers, I half-whispered to him that I had ‘incontinence products’. Unfortunate I had to repeat twice and when he still did not get it, I had to use the dreaded D word. It was extremely embarrassing. He then merely stuffed his hands around the sides but went through that bag very quickly. Oh well.

The cool 20degC Sydney weather finally greeted me as I stepped out of the terminal. I got into a taxi, and somehow, everything I saw was amazing. My mind couldn’t process it as I was exhausted though. I got up to my hotel, checked in, showered thoroughly. And then I put on a diaper before falling into a deep, dreamless sleep. Dreamless not because I was thoroughly exhausted, but because I was now living my dream.

I had arrived in Australia.

P.S. I had written this a while back, but wasn’t sure whether I should post this. At the time of my arrival, most Australians still couldn’t travel and most international students couldn’t enter. As of April 2022, the borders are operating almost the same as pre-pandemic.

– Selv

I again got caught wearing diapers

I am an ABDL. For those of you who don’t know, most of us like to wear diapers. Most ABDLs also like to dress up as babies and act like them, with some getting others to be their ‘caretaker’. But this is mostly a private thing for us, confined to the privacy of our houses and does not involve other people, unless with their explicit consent. (It’s also worth noting here again that we do not engage with minors, which is a big no-no in our community.)

As for me, I don’t do the dressing up part, I just wear diapers at night. These diapers are not at all sexual to me, but rather they are a comforting thing, almost like a security blanket of sorts. Like how some adults still sleep with teddy bears or a 30 year old blanket. The best way I can put it is that I don’t need to them physically(never was incontinent), but emotionally, if that makes sense. I also used to write ABDL stories on the internet, mostly as a pastime but it became a small revenue stream. 

My parents have known since I was a teenager that I liked wearing diapers, but have been firmly against it. So I resorted over the years to hiding the fact that I use diapers, such as by adjusting when I buy new ones and when I throw away used ones to avoid them. In their view, I shouldn’t be using them, and this view is a factor. Every time they catch me, they make me throw away my diapers – my hard-earned money.

Due to the pandemic and the uncertainties of when the borders will open, I had been forced to move back in with my parents in March 2020.  It made sense as I was also involved in the care of my grandmother, who lives with my parents. It was a difficult situation, but a natural decision. I was due to move overseas for studies but world borders snapped shut, and I’ve been studying online ever since.

When I initially moved out for my studies, my mother had just retired and she shifted things and resources from her workplace to my then-empty room, as there was no other space in my house and her own study room was filled to the brim with similar stuff. So when I moved back in, I had to live with all these boxes and bags. Even my study table had become (still is) a space to put her critical files. She refused to clear them for months, partially because she was unwell but mostly because of apathy. In fact, at the time of the incident, my room still had a substantial amount of boxes.

When the semester ended in November 2020, I decided to work full-time for the holidays. The hours given to me were long, and I was happy as that meant that I could earn more.

One night, I returned home at my usual late hour. I noticed that my cupboard hiding my diapers had been opened, which was unusual because it was previously blocked by a lot of boxes. Mum sat in the living room near me as per normal as I ate my dinner, while I kept reasoning to myself that maybe I just moved the cupboard myself. But once I returned to my room, she followed me in and the eruption started.

She then admitted that she had opened my work bag when I was about to leave for work that morning. I had been filling my water bottle and had left it unattended. She had wanted to put a jacket inside – something which I had repeatedly declined because I work out under the sun. Thinking that the only way to make me take it was to forcefully put it inside my bag, she had opened it. As a result, she had seen my used diaper, which I usually throw out on the way to work. 

She went on a long and hard rant about how I shouldn’t do this, that it had given her undue stress, how could I do this to her on top of the stress my grandma was giving her. She even admitted that she had told my father, and that he was ‘very upset’, and that ’something could happen to him as a result’. Basically she gaslight me into thinking that I had gone mad and did not let me say anything for an hour.

And then she made me throw away my diapers again, standing and watching me do it. 

For months I was broken. I just couldn’t stand to face my friends, cousins (no one knows about this side of me), and I could barely be in the same room as my parents. Talking to my grandmother was the only thing that kept me tethered to home (again, she doesn’t know about my diapers). I kept thinking to myself, was I really a man since I can’t keep secrets from my own mother? I could not write my ABDL stories anymore, which made me lose the small but steady side-income as I just did not have the mood. I admit the loss of that income was my fault, but I’m adding this detail to show just how badly it affected me.

Work became my outlet and I did crazy amounts of overtime just to stay out of the house. On hindsight it was very dangerous cos I was on the road the whole time. It was only because of my grandma’s care that I’ve managed to finally ‘normalise’ my relations with my parents.

But at some point in the past few months, I told myself that this is a part of me that I cannot change. I knew that I needed diapers, even though I didn’t ‘need’ them. I still continued to work ad-hoc even after the semester started, partially to allow me to hold on to the company vehicle home every night for a fee.  And I began to keep my purchased diapers there, in an opaque box that can only be opened with a key. Bosses did not ask questions – they are very detached from the business. And so, every night I draw out a diaper for use. 

My parents don’t know that I’d restarted. Now that I think of it, they have never explicitly stated that I shouldn’t use diapers in their house – but it is heavily implied in their don’t-ever-use-diapers-again rhetoric. I just don’t know what to make of this. I’m not breaking any law, I’m not hurting myself. But clearly my parents were/are upset.

I held on to hope, knowing it was only a matter of time before the borders reopened and I would have the freedom to wear diapers again. I had to wait nearly 2 years, but the time finally came.

– Selv

This was originally written some time in mid 2021. I had intended to post it elsewhere (which is why I wrote the intro about ABDLs), but I ultimately decided that non-ABDL audiences couldn’t handle it.

Where do I go from here

I’ve been having a huge bout of writer’s block for the past few months. No doubt the things happening in my life have been affecting me, but this time it’s like a once-in-a-decade drought kind of thing.

Previously I’d spend a lot of time on the train and those journeys could help me get ideas and even write them down. But now with home-based learning and work-from-home, those journeys have disappeared. I’d try taking walks and I’d get some ideas, but by the time I return home I’d forget them. I did try sitting at cafes to write, but for much of this period dine-in has been closed, and loitering discouraged. So tough luck.

But as I’ve noted before, tastebuds are changing. Few people still want to read ABDL stories, and even less want to read traditional blogs. Most ABDLs prefer visual stuff, which kind of explains the decline of forums like ADISC, as most of the crowd – old and young – have drifted to instagram, tiktok etc.

But nevertheless this blog will continue on for the long run, it is a record of my thoughts. The mission for this blog has been the same – that when the time finally comes for me to explain my ABDL side to my fiancé, this blog would serve as an aid. But, other people still read this blog, and I just don’t know how to value-add to my readers. Views have never really bothered me, but like other creators, I would want my readers to take something away that they would appreciate.

Entertainment? I don’t think so, Youtube and social media are doing fine. Intellectual stimulation? I wish, but I don’t write as much. ABDL literature? Possible, but it would greatly distract from the purpose of this blog. Self-help topics for ABDLs? Yeah, that might work, but again, needs more work put into it.

I’ve always dreamt of telling ABDL stories using more than just words. But one person can’t do it alone, and assembling such a team is very difficult, given that I have very little time for that. I do have detailed plans, but all are on hold. I keep telling myself that now is the time to build upon them, while I am still studying and have energy. And rest assured that I am working on them, I just am unable to make announcements yet.

In short, it is still status quo for now, for now.

-Selv

Picking Up The Pieces

It has been a year since I last posted, and I received an email asking if I’m still alive.

In the physical sense, yes I am still living. In the metaphorical sense, I died with the onset of the pandemic (though not because of it). I am lucky to be living in a country where the situation is in control (although there’s currently a small resurgence of cases), and the environment is peaceful. Really, I open local news apps and the bulk of the news is really depressing stuff happening outside of my country. Conflicts, strong-arming, supply-hoarding, variants…

But you aren’t here for my RL thought-processes. You want to know what happened to me. There’s two major changes that happened, and I’ll write separate posts about each at some point.

First, my education is in limbo. The borders remain firmly closed, and I remain stuck in Singapore, unable to take on meaningful employment or internships as I don’t want to have to drop them on sudden notice to travel. I’ve been working part-time, mostly to while the hours away while I lay in wait. Online learning is terrible, and it got to the point where I changed my course, but still, there’s only a slight improvement.

I know Singapore is making plans to open up borders now that 80% have completed their vaccination. Just yesterday they announced that 4 categories of travel thingy that separates countries according to risk. But Australia’s borders are firmly closed, and will remain so to Singapore until at least January 2022, though several indications suggest it is more likely to be so until the middle of 2022.

Second, as I remain in limbo, I have moved back in with my parents. I became lax, and let my guard down due to my tiring work schedule, and as a result, my diapers were found. Or maybe because my mother went snooping. But more because I became lax. As a result I got caught. It was a very low point in my life that has taken me months for me to get past.

Honestly, if it wasn’t for me being distracted by work I’d probably have cracked. But not everyone’s journey is a straight line, and that is the case for me as well.

It was very hard for me to get back to accepting my DL side again, and I think I’m ready to restart posting and connecting. Most of all, my writing projects that have lain abandoned need a restart. I really need to get up to speed, and figure out this whole writing thing, and how to make it work. It doesn’t have to be profitable, but it has to be worthwhile.

-Selv