Entering My 25th Year

Chasing a girl is hard work. But when you’ve decided to let her go and she still wanders into your path, then it gets harder to stick to your initial decision.

I had an eye for this girl some time back. We were members of this university cultural club. I tried to catch her attention, and I did, but at some point we had the awkward chat and I understood that we could not get together for some reasons involving her family. It wasn’t a big blow or anything as I had foreseen and prepared myself for such an outcome. Yet, fate kept pushing us together, numerous times.

The most recent of which involved an event which she was helping to organise. The committee had wanted to sing a song to begin the event, and to make it less dry, she had come up with the idea of putting a montage together with the song’s lyrics. The committee then tasked her with creating this montage. So far so good, except that she had never used video editing software before.

She could have easily approached her other closer friends, people who were very skilled in videography. But she approached me, a person she barely spoke to. Why? My guess is that because I had done a similar project the year before when I was still in the club. But I didn’t get it. Isn’t it better to approach your own subordinates whom you are closer to and are, in this case, without doubt better qualified?

But she insisted that I teach her how to do the montage. As we had differing schedules, I essentially created a 3 part video tutorial (in 20 minutes haha) and gave her some storyboard ideas. And from the final product it is evident that she closely followed the tutorial.

She texted me several times to trouble shoot things, and after completing each draft, asked me to review it, which I did. But again, it was a weird thing to do, to ask a committee outsider for their comments. But I pointed out the little details and helped out where I could. After all, she is my friend.

I’m not trying to say that maybe she still harbours feelings for me, that’s why she asked me for help. Nor that the montage came out because of my input. Actually she did most of the work herself. But why ask me for tips?

Come show day, I arrived on time. She was with the rest of the committee, who were receiving guests and she quickly waved at me and smiled before turning to the next person. Alright, maybe I’ll speak to her after the event, I thought to myself.

So we settled down at the back of the huge auditorium with my group of friends. As they began the event, the emcees introduced the intro song, she and another comes up to sing it! She had created the lyrical montage and she was also singing it? Why didn’t she tell me?

Those 2 minutes were awkward, to say it simply. I kept thinking, what could have been if only we had broken the family barrier. It didn’t help one bit that she kept glancing and smiling at me throughout the song. Remember, the auditorium was big and I was a distance away.

As we sat down, I was wondering if she had been looking at our group of mutual friends instead. Or perhaps she was looking at her parents and little niece. But those piercing eyes had looked directly at me, and those groups were not in her line of sight.

I’ve always wanted a girl to look at me that way. It wasn’t the first time she looked at me this way. But each time she did, it was a solemn reminder that we may never be together, and I found myself looking away.  She is this goody two-shoes person who has a high standing amongst her peers, and here I was, a diaper boy, waiting for the rains to pour in the Sahara. Yea, I feel that I could be her equal on several parameters, but the family factor really killed it.

Cos I know from observing my family, a girl without her parents support will never be happy, and I didn’t want to disturb that equilibrium of hers for me. Besides, she’ll probably marry a high standing doctor or lawyer, who cares about engineers these days. And all of these doesn’t factor in my inherent ABDL wish list in a girl, which I frankly, have no idea whether I should keep or throw.

My only thought at this moment is that the correct girl will show herself when the time is right. And until that day arrives, I just have to study hard and shore up my finances.

– Selv


Wearing Diapers in 2018

It feels funny to be writing this post without actually wearing a diaper, but many of the points came to me while I was wearing the Tena Slips from 2 posts back heheh.

Diapers have been my way to de-stress. Some people like to smoke, some people drink, some even run long distances. But I wear diapers, cos they help me relax. And every night in school, I’ve been wearing a diaper to sleep. It is a luxury many ABDLs don’t get, and to this end I am really thankful that I am able to do so.

I’ve mentioned previously that being a DL is a grey area with respect to my religion. Not directly at least, but it is implied. It is not against the law, I mean, there is no scripture that says what we do is wrong. The thing is we are dealing with humanly emissions and since they are considered unholy we have a conflict of interest here. So, I try to avoid wearing on certain “auspicious” days. This trend I think I’ll continue.

Then there are high intensity days, such as exam dates and family functions. My dad, when he caught me, used to say that I’ll be distracted because I’m wearing a diaper. Which is true to some extent. These days, I get distracted mostly due to the guilt of doing something my parents are against. But still, I will skip wearing them on these high intensity days, just so that I remain focused.

I aim to go on at least 3 diapered escapades this year, the first one I’m planing to go this late-February (do let me know if you guys are keen on a collaboration). Beyond just wearing diapers on backpacking trips I aim to build up a proper travel blog to document my journeys.

Then there is the whole affair of what to tell my future girlfriend. Somehow I have a feeling that this might be the year it finally happens, but I don’t want to open that can of worms here now. What I will say is that the search for an existing ABDL girl has failed, and my only way forward is to get a vanilla girl and hope she accepts this part of me. Fat hope –  but I must try.

Coming up this month would be my Tenth anniversary of wearing my first adult diaper. Need to think of a way to celebrate it, and I have a rough idea on how to do it. I’ll keep you guys posted.

And finally, I’ve been thinking about starting a Patreon page. I had done the preparations, but Patreon threw a spanner in the works with their recent fees announcement. So that is something I’ve been trying to tread carefully. *EDIT* Of course, special content that warrants a Patreon page on on the cards, but more on that very soon.

Last (but not least), I wish to thank all of you who have been writing PMs and emails to me. Thank you guys, it has really been a pleasure writing to all of you, I really appreciate the time and effort you guys put in to writing to me.

– Selv


via Daily Prompt: Meaningless

Sometimes, the uncertainty is excruciating – what chances is there of meeting an ABDL out there?  Just getting someone who’s first written to you to respond, is a waiting game in itself.

I don’t know, this whole waiting game is not fun anymore. The only way to interact with more people seems to be that you’d have to show your body and face, do something cringeworthy like show the contents of your diaper and stuff. Even then, it won’t go far cos I’m a male in a male-dominated community.

How then can I interact with the ABDL community? The main forums are dying, guarded by anchors who are very jumpy about stuff in general. Posting nudes and the like is out. Blogging is not working out. You can’t talk ABDL stuff to vanilla friends. I don’t have an SO.

This is hopeless.

– Selv

A Long Term Temporary Routine

I have slowly been able to master the art of wearing every night, despite the presence of my roommate. In the mornings, I have also been able to do my morning routine while in my diaper, without alerting my roommate.

To their end, cloth-backed diapers have been a boon. My diaper of choice is the Tena Slip Super. They aren’t the most absorbent, but they are able to hold a decent amount of liquid. And with their new update, their retention ability is much improved.
I feel that wearing every night allows me to destress a little. I’ve been keeping up with this routine since end-october, with breaks of course. Again, avoiding having to sit on the toilet has also been a sort of thrill. I’ve never been afraid of sitting on the toilet, just that, like a preoccupied kid, I prefer the comfort of my own padding.
But as I gear up for the future, I know that this routine is temporary. A long-term temporary but yes, temporary. For I am not sure if my future wife will be accommodating of my nightly wish. Leave her if she does not accept you, I hear you say. But, given the struggle I am going through just to meet someone, walking away is a complex option.
Changing my soulmate’s diaper every morning just so that she doesn’t need to touch her own mess is something that I feel deeply about. Having a girl entrust you with her second-most intimate thing, every morning, is a weird wish. But why would a girl even want to agree?
Why do I harbour this innate desire to change a girl’s diaper? What’s wrong with my thinking? I consider myself moderately religious, yet I still have this ‘dirty’ thoughts. Why can’t I be like other normal people, who fantasise about having sex during exotic vacations? Why can’t I have the courage to ask a girl out, to even admit that I am her cultural group? Is it because I wear diapers? Is my wearing of diapers affecting my social life?
To be certain, diapering a girl is not a sexual thing for me. I’ve learnt to suppress my own erections because diapers aren’t sexual for me. I have long refused to admit (and still don’t) that I have a diaper fetish because the word fetish carries the connotation of being sexual. I would have to communicate this to her as well.
How will my soulmate react to the fact that I wear diapers not out of necessity? How further will she react when I tell her that I want her to poop in a diaper from time to time? How will I get the courage to tell her?
– Selv

Does Wearing Diapers Affect One’s Social Life?

A guy sits at his work desk typing away at his computer for hours. A female executive stands in front of her company’s boardroom doing a presentation. A schoolgirl attends lesson after lesson in school, while a salesperson stands at the cashier, scanning and packaging his customer’s groceries at a supermarket. Ordinary people do ordinary things, even as their clothes hide their incontinence aids.

If you look around all the ABDL and incontinence support sites which attempt to answer this question, most agree that wearing diapers need not hinder your personal aspirations, nor should they stop you from having fun and leading a quality life. By and large, society accepts incontinent folk into their midst, and is somewhat understanding of their predicament.

Yet, school and work is not all that defines a person. Interpersonal relationships also play a part in defining who a person is. A person’s first impression, their language and accent, their fashion style etc. all affect the way others interact with them. Anything abnormal about the person, he/she gets judged – immediately. That is human nature. So throw in the fact that you wear diapers, and you fuel that negative judgement. Mention that you don’t actually need them, and you’d probably damage that relationship.

Incontinent folk don’t have it easy. The need to wear a bulging undergarment, and having to regularly change it would definitely affect their quality of life, as well as that of their closest friends and partners. Friends would have to be mindful of not making toilet-jokes, catering time for their friend to change, making them feel that they can do things despite their dependence on their special underwear. Yet, the social impact here is small, and somewhat socially manageable because the person’s thinking is perceived as normal. Thus clubbing, going out, even sport is possible.

But ABDLs wanting to wear diapers would be in for a rough ride should they choose to pursue being diapered 24/7 without any medical need. These group of people would face the same set of physical challenges i.e finding clothes to mask the diaper, masking the smell, chafing etc. But here, the people around them would be faced with an individual whose thinking is truly unconventional. ‘Why would you WANT diapers when you don’t need them’, they may ask. Often the ABDL’s answer would suggest either a fetistic desire, or an unexplainable ‘inner’ desire. This idea – that this person wants to do something ‘abnormal’ just just because he/she FEELS it would be a turn off for many.

Then there is also the ABDL camp who uses diapers part-time e.g. at night, when home alone etc. This is the category which is very commonly seen. The person could go about their day-to day life just like anyone else. Their school/work, social life could be as ubiquitous as anyone else. This is because the fact that they wear diapers could be well hidden from almost everyone, thus if you work hard to fit into your society, your social life (and indeed your quality of life) should be good.

The problem with the all the above is when it is time to reveal your dependence on diapers to your significant other. For them, it could go either way, from wishing to indulge in diapers too, declaring neutrality, to totally demanding a stop to them. This is something that is beyond your control, something that is dependent on the other party. That is why most ABDLs are asked to focus on building the relationship first, so the relationship is about the couple, not their quirks! Even so, conventional wisdom suggests that one reveals their diapered needs and desires to their significant other BEFORE proposing to them. If you are at the receiving end of the proposal, then do it just after the proposal. Issues such as financing diapers (Monthly it could be $83 for 24/7, $16 for once daily), specific times to use them etc. would need to be worked out.

I’m focusing on the mental aspect of one’s social life in this post, as the physical nature has been analysed over and over again, all over the web. The same things will crop up i.e the need to wear loose fitting clothes, tight short skirts for women would be an issue, chafing while doing exercise, sports and heavy physical activities, the hassle of finding places outside to change regularly to mask smells of pee and poop, added padded comfort while sitting on hard seats, no need to leave your actives halfway to go use the bathroom, no need for extra pads for women on their periods… The list goes on and on.

We shall omit parental views here, for more often than not, they will cover your ass whether or not they agree with your views on being diapered.

In conclusion, I would say that the impact for the incontinent folk is significant, but it can be greatly minimised. But for the ABDL, even the part-timer, wearing diapers can affect one’s social live adversely if you flaunt your diaper to other people who are not in the community.