If Kids Never Quit…

Sometimes parents worry about how their kid may never give up ‘that babyish thing’. Like when their six year old kid is still drinking from a milk bottle every night, or still wears diapers.

This video is in part a parody on this concept, of how much parents, mums in particular, worry when their kid hasn’t ‘given it up yet’. It’s also supposed to motivate parents to press on, but not to woes too much as they eventually will get it, that nobody doesn’t just stay in diapers… right?

But the thing is, such people do exist. Welcome to the ABDL community! Yea, we do give up our diapers, bottles, pacis for a couple of years but it restarts anyway. Yup, we wonder about what if we hadn’t become ABDLAnd yup, we are proud of it mostly, just like the ladies in the video!

You can watch this video here.

– Selv


My India Trip

For those celebrating the end of the fasting month, I wish you a fruitful Eid Mubarak!

I’ve been overseas these past few weeks, on a community involvement program.  My organisation has partnered with SCAD, an organisation which oversees several projects helping a range of people from various backgrounds. As it was my organisation’s first OCIP trip, we decided to work on a simple project with a special needs school in Cheranmahadevi, India.

Based on a prior visit by the recce team, we split our project into a few parts. The main portion was the refurbishment of the school’s relaxation corner – a room where these underprivileged kids could play games and toys. We painted the room, and filled the shelves with toys which we collected in Singapore.

Another portion of the project involved adding games catered to the needs of these kids – most of whom had learning disabilities – such as texture cubes and a race track corner. The aim here was to engage the sensory and motor skills of these kids, to complement the academic portion for which they were already in school for

Then there was an interaction session with these kids – a simple art session where we made paper-plate jellyfish and a simple origami dog. These kids don’t really get to do artwork and it was heartening to see them expressing themselves. They may have been aged from 12-20 but the 3 teens I worked with were really kids at heart. The simple joy of writing your own name on your own artwork is something that most of us take for granted, but for these kids, it made their day. I’m glad that I was able to help them achieve that.

After the CIP portion, we had a small heritage tour of the region, stopping by cities such as Tirunelveli, Madurai, Tanjore and Tiruchi. My friends fell sick one by one, but I was the last to fall sick. They had all recovered by the last city Tiruchi, so they left me in the hotel while they went shopping and watching movies. I kept running to the toilet every half an hour, inflicted with a terrible bout of stomach flu which made even the plain water I drank to come out of the back door. That was the only time during the entire trip which I (terribly) missed my Tenas.

There was one toilet-training incident which I observed, and it shook me a little. I was in a toilet cubicle and there was this conversation between father and son transpiring in the next cubicle. The dad had brought the boy to the toilet and he asked him, “do you want to poop”. He didn’t answer. “Have you already pooped”. No answer again.

SLAP. “No, I don’t know”, he replied sullenly. The dad started to take off the boy’s diaper, grumbling loudly that he didn’t know how to tell when he needed to go and how his mother was going to be furious etc. So he sees that the diaper is clean and he gets frustrated. “Why don’t you just answer me properly?” SLAP. “Do you need to go poop now?”, he asks and the boy mush have shook his head or something because the dad roars “I want you to sit on the toilet and poop now“.

As I stood up and left, the kid was sobbing and pooping. They were an urban middle class family, but what struck me was the amount of intimidation that was used in potty training. That’s their way of life there, slaps as punishment. I was slipping in and out because of my stomach flu but that incident stuck to my consciousness. The kid moved from diapers because he was scared that his dad would hit him, not because he wanted to be like his peers.

Overall I feel that this trip did open my eyes to this part of the world. It was a memorable trip, and I feel that I gained valuable skills and insights through this trip.

– Selv

ABDLs and Toilet Training

Ah, a parenting pet peeve. We know that kids must be toilet trained by school-going age. But why?

The simple answer is economics. When humans began living in permanent settlements, we didn’t want to dirty our furniture and living spaces. Toilets were established as a way to consolidate this icky matter, and was often used by agrarian societies as fertiliser.

Diapers are expensive, and take effort to maintain. So why not fix certain locations where you do your thing, and forget about 5-times-a-day diaper changes? Besides, nobody wants to keep on wiping their child’s productions for years on end. You pay $xx for diapers at the supermarket. You don’t think about how much water you flush everyday when you see your water bill, do you?

Many ABs, DLs and Littles use diapers. They may be wearing for short periods, overnight, or even 24/7. They may use their diapers for one or both of its intended purposes. But that doesn’t mean that we were never toilet trained, or were trained super early or something. Rather, we feel it is an essential comfort item, or security blanket. A kid may or may not want to hug their teddy bear every night – similarly we want the security of our diapers.

Being toilet-trained does affect a child’s social life. Imagine needing to wear pull-ups during afternoon naps in kindergarten. Or being unable to attend a sleepover because a child refuses to poop in the toilet. Children can be a very nasty bunch.

Which leads to the question – what do we think about toilet training?

At first glance, it may seem that the community tries to discourage parents from toilet-training their kids early. Indeed, looking through the comments section in related youtube videos or mother care forums, you see this trend of people commenting and saying “no, don’t rush to potty-train them” or “is the kid trained now”.

Such comments make one think that ABDLs are a bunch of pedophiles. But netizens must understand that these small numbers of ‘internet trolls’ do not represent the rest of the community. There may be diaper fetishists who are behind these comments, but the ABDL community does not condone that kind of behaviour.

Subconsciously, people know that society requires that kids be toilet trained. Yet, since we still wear diapers, we are often curious to see if there is a correlation. Does late training lead to regression? Or does early training lead to regression? What family environment, what parental behaviour leads to a kid’s well-being, and does it mirror what we experienced when we were young? We seek answers to our own past when we sift through such data.

In fact, you see many ABDL parents actively training their kids at the appropriate age – just like any other parent. It is one of the first rites of passage for a human being. What they say about toilet training is never different from what others say. Never have I seen a case where an ABDL parent refused to train their kid, just because they are ABDLs!

Some people think toilet-training is a necessary evil. But I disagree with that label. Because while a child may cry, whine, be terrified, withhold their poop, get constipated and so on, eventually it conditions them to deal with a bodily need in a way that’s best for society’s good. Mountains of diapers in landfills?

Ultimately, I feel that as a diaper-wearing adult, revisiting this milestone helps me to think about the decisions that have shaped me into who I am. I was day-trained by 3, but only fully toilet-trained at 4+, late by Asian standards. My other cousins were trained by 3, but my youngest cousin sister would only poop in a diaper, until she was 4+. However our circumstances were very different, I was raised by my grandma while she was raised at daycare.

As long as we continue to wear diapers, people will continue to search for answers about why we were stopped from wearing diapers, and why we started again.

– Selv

Getting Into The Groove

So.. I’ve decided that I really need to escape from this tiny red dot. Hence, I’ll be running off to Kuala Lumpur for my 7th Escapede in 2 weeks time. I conveniently realised that I haven’t cashed in my festive money from last year, so I’m happily going to be scooting off.

This one’s going to be ambitious, not because it’s multi-city again, but because I’ll be travelling on a tight schedule. I’ll be off when school reopens, hence I’ll have to leave after a wednesday morning class (should I skip it?), and be back by a friday afternoon. Anyways, KL friends, if you would want to meet up for a cup of tea, do get in touch.

My diaper of choice is most likely going to be the Tena Slip Super, a staple of my escapedes, but I’m debating on whether or not to try the S size. I have always been wearing the M ones, so perhaps this is the time to try on the S ones. The issue is getting them. I’d have to walk into a home-care shop, likely Rehabmart, to get my hands on these.

Speaking of diaper reviews, the long-awaited review of the Tena Slip Maxi is now out. I wrote it, unaware that Tena was revamping the series, hence that review is based on the 2014 version. The reason I’m so slow with these things is not the writing, it’s the photos. Even then, I’ll admit they aren’t that fantastic.

I have been doing my research for my novel, and some of the advice I’ve been seeing with regards to my subject matter is pretty disturbing enough. But what really puts me off has been the attitude of certain people towards the subject. Do drop by next Saturday, to read my thoughts on ABDLs and potty training.

I was out shopping with my mum at Daiso, a popular Japanese departmental store. They have a wide variety of household organisation products, and the price is always $2. (Apparently it still is RM5 in Malaysia…)

Anyway, mum was engrossed with the cutlery section, and I was browsing the handicraft section. Their products all hand from shelves, which permit conversation to pass through. It was because of this auditory feature that I overheard a three year old tell his mother that he needed the toilet.

Curious, and being near the end of the row, I snuck over to examine the fridge magnets at the end of that row, while peeking into their row, which had no other people. What I observed would have made any ABDL excited, but others would have felt sad for the child.

The child was bearing over, trying to do his deed. A few moments later, the mother removed his pants and exposed his diaper, remarking audibly that “it’s easier for you to berak (‘poop’ in Malay)”. The three year-old then squatted fully and started straining. I then turned and walked away.

At that point I was feeling more sorry for the child, that his own mother had exposed him during a very private moment, then thrilled at seeing an actual diaper. Who would strip their own child’s clothes down to their underwear in the middle of a crowded store? She should have escorted him to the toilets, before allowing him to continue.

I feel that not only was it irresponsible of that lady for doing that, but she was also passively reinforcing the notion that it is okay to take off your clothes in public, not to mention that it is okay to poop in your diaper. That section of the store was going to stink up, other shoppers were going to get affected.

Diapers may be designed to catch bodily emissions, but after all, they are an erstwhile form of underwear. Except when swimming, nobody exposes their underwear in public. Please, let use not subject kids to this kind of humiliation.

– Selv

Pooping While Sibling Fighting

It was as if that day’s events were meant to be written in this blog. I know these anecdotes may seem fabricated, but trust me, they are true. Fact is stranger than fiction.

To earn some pocket-money, I work part-time at an outlet of a big IT retailer. This particular outlet, being located in the heartland areas, sees all types of characters from time to time. I was in the inner aisles, arranging some computer mice when I heard a commotion near the computer displays.

A 5 year-old boy had picked a fight with his 3 year-old sister. The attractive opulence of today’s touchscreen computers had drawn them both towards the biggest HP touchscreen monitor in the outlet, while daddy was amusing himself with the IP cameras and mummy was yakking away on the phone. So there we had it – two small kids staring at a glowing gizmo.

The boy deftly found a game to play, and his sister wanted to play too. The boy started to block her, and she started whining – louder and louder – until their mother snapped out of her phone conversation, clearly embarrassed. She first tried to carry her daughter.

But she started throwing a fit, demanding that she be allowed to play. Clearly out of ideas, she put her down and went ‘let mei mei play, it’s her turn, be fair’.

The young boy was clearly not happy with that outcome. He first started bawling, and then bumped his sister out of the way. And that made her cry too. Admittedly, If I were that parent, I would have wanted to cry too.

But the mother, finding her voice, yelled loudly, in front of the other customers:

“Enough is enough SHUT UP DARREN!”


She scooped up her wailing daughter and dragged her wailing son, walking towards the exit, with her face as red as a tomato.

By this time, I had dropped my mice and was watching the spectacle from a quiet spot. I could see my colleagues at the other side of the shop giggling too. Amazingly, their father was too absorbed in checking out the IP cameras that he hadn’t noticed. Perhaps we have too many aisles…

The young mother, clearly worn out, put her down at the entrance, turned around and started to lecture the son. I turned around to go back to my stacking when the girl said ‘I poo poo’. My heart skipped a beat.

The mother knelt down, right at the entrance and did a substantial diaper check, pulling down her pants and pulling the tape-on diapers to check. This was being done in a very public spot, right across a popular cafe in full view of the lunch-goers.

The little girl had to endure taunts from her brother, who was quickly sent off to fetch the diaper-bag from their father, before being whisked off to the toilets to change.

As the afternoon progressed and I waited around for customers, I kept thinking about the incident. Perhaps the girl was a little overdue for her daily doo-doo, and was already a little angsty. That might have caused her to squabble whinily with her brother. The rush of emotions might have enabled nature to take its’ course a few moments later.

I had this”brilliant” idea to retell this incident to another part-timer later on in the evening, because I thought she looked like a prominent ABDL and wanted to see her reaction. But I messed it up cos I was feeling embarrassed myself, leading to an awkward moment.

– Selv



I was at Ikea Tampines last week, shopping for some kitchenware with my mother. We were passing through the kids section when I saw something that made my heart wither away.

A young dad and his two year old daughter were nearby, looking at some child-sized chairs and potty-chairs. He picked up one and started lecturing the small girl.

“Ah girl, this is a potty. You sit here to do your shee-shee and ngg-ngg (pee-pee and poo-poo)”.

I was like, hey we’re at Ikea, the child’s having fun looking through the markers and other kiddy stuff so why torment her like this?

But he didn’t stop there. He took a seat, put it on the ground, and made the girl sit on it, pants and all. The child, too young to understand what was happening, happily sat down with a smile. Wait till potty-training starts, I think to myself.

Oh you just wait, you lucky kid. You are one of the rare people for whom toilet-training started in an Ikea store! How about that? Never mind the colour-markers and shelves full of cuddly stuffed-toys. Daddy saw a random stack of potties and the rest was history.

The man continued to lecture his child with things like ‘you are a big girl now’, ‘must take off your shorts and pampers first, ‘must sit until you finish’, and other stuff that makes DLs die a little on the inside listening to.

I feel that the worst part was that the kid was happily nodding away to what her daddy was saying. She didn’t realise that she was in such an embarrassing position. She probably didn’t understand what he even meant.  Would she cooperate when Day 1 of toilet-training arrived, (perhaps that very night itself)? By the looks of it, she probably would.

Don’t get me wrong. Toilet-training is an integral part of human development. But I feel that you shouldn’t start it in such a public place, in a place where you are supposed to feel happy (Ikea in this case). And of course, everyone was looking at them, including mothers with their own diapered kids. I wouldn’t want to subject my children to this kind of humiliation. (If I get a Little Girl as a life partner, then maybe, I might reenact this scene, consent withstanding.)

As the dad put the potty-chair into his shopping bag, the kid wandered off to the shelves with the colourful markers.

– Selv

P.S. Lilla, the IKEA potty-chair that is the little girl’s first potty, is the Swedish word for ‘small’. Of all the things in their gigantic store to call small, they chose a potty-chair.

Time Heals Scars

I’ve been reading some old comments posted about my first ABDL story, The Girl Who Wondered If Only. The main criticism is that most people couldn’t find it plausible that such a thing could happen in real life. I admit that, yes it is an ABDL story after all. But I thought I’d share with you the basis for the idea.

It comes from the toilet training story of my second sister, who I’ll call Pri (P.S., read: Pree). I’m the eldest of three children, and I have two younger sisters. My first sister was toilet trained much quicker than me, by age 3 and taking 4 months. I took longer because I started late, I was done by 4.5 years and it took me 5 months. You can read that story here.

But it took my second sister Pri nearly 10 months! None of our cousins came close to breaking that record. I still remember the incident clearly.

We were staying over at my grandparents’ house. My dad and first sister were out of the house. I was playing with Pri, who had just turned 2. My mum was talking to grandma. Their conversation was along the line of when to start toilet training Pri. At one point, Pri stopped what she was doing and her facial expression became concentrated. Immediately, my mum, emboldened by the chat, stood up and pulled up her dress, and ripped off her diaper! Pri was wailing and crying, saying “no, no” as she was carried to the kitchen toilet. I tried to side her but grandma promptly sent me back to the living room.

For nearly 5 minutes, there was a lot of noise coming from the bathroom as the two ladies tried to coax Pri to poop. I guess a two year old could not understand what was going on, as she kept saying ‘no’, ‘no, ‘don’t want’.

I was sitting shell-shocked on the sofa. I had just started ‘borrowing’ diapers from her, and now they were going away? And what about Pri? I no longer had the job of telling my mum that she had pooped? It was officially Day 1 of toilet training, all over again. In hindsight, that was first time I ever did some soul-searching in my life.

But the ordeal hadn’t ended yet. Suddenly, there were really loud screams from mum and grandma, followed by throat-tearing screams from Pri. I ran to the bathroom, panicking. It seemed that they had put Pri on the toilet without a child-seat. And she had fallen in. My mum pulled her out and hugged her, but you could clearly see the fear in Pri’s face. Nobody else saw her pooping on my mother’s pants.

The damage was severe. Unlike for me and my first sis, Pri hadn’t been gradually introduced to the toilet. They had tried to toilet train her the olden way – by forcing it onto her when she was too young to realise. But it backfired. For the next few days, Pri was to scared to even go near the toilet during shower times. Eventually, my aunt suggested a potty chair and with much coaxing, two months later she was pee-trained in the daytime.

But she absolutely would not poop in the potty-chair. She started to hold it in, till her night time diaper, then she would go. When my mum realised the tactic, she would not put on the diaper until after she fell asleep. But she would then poop in her diaper first thing in the morning. This continued for a few months, I guess because my parents didn’t know what to do. Years later, I realised that she continued to bed wet because she was holding in her poop. See bedwetting for the specifics.

Anyway, six months after the initial incident, there came a short stretch where she was dry in the mornings. The result was that she no longer needed diapers but, still fearful of the toilet, she started to poop in her underwear. The bedwetting started again, but this time my parents decided to go cold-turkey. My father also punished her for this, so she clearly knew that it was wrong. However, with little progress, the diapers returned within a week.

I believe that she used the ‘Drypers’ brand. Pri slowly stopped her bedwetting, but she still got to wear a diaper at night, and was given one hour extra in the morning for her to do her business. By now she was peeing in the toilet, due to peer pressure in school, but she still refused to poop in it. The trick that had worked for me, that is a hole in my diaper on the toilet, and caning, didn’t work for her as she saw through that. I remember I used to ‘hide’ Pri behind the laundry basket, under a pillow in a sort of ‘clothes-fort’ while she did her deed. My first sis preferred to catch her red-handed, but it was rare as her school was in the morning session.

Eventually, the rules were tightened greatly, and her new Nursery 2 school teacher started to be more proactive. With great peer pressure, tight rules and time healing the scar, she finally decided that she didn’t want diapers any more.

You can see here that it took a lot of effort to undo the initial incident of falling into the toilet. It took a long time for Pri to get convinced that the toilet wasn’t going to harm her. That is the basis for The Girl Who Wondered If Only.

– Selv

An Unusual Sight

Some of you may remember that I was due to finish a novel by the end of November. Sadly, I don’t think I could finish it by then. Stuff just kept popping up. I’ve also fixed the broken link to my story at ABDLStoryForum.

Today I was at NTUC Simei Buying some groceries. I was at the cashier, paying for my stuff when the next customer queued up behind me. She was a Chinese lady in her mid-thirtees. I noticed that all she had was a pack of Mamy Poko size XXL diapers, as well as some wipes.

Her young daughter was there too. She couldn’t have been older than six, and was bespectacled, wearing a white blouse and yellow shorts. As far as I could tell, she was a healthy Singaporean girl.

I observed the little girl for a bit. She was acting shy and embarrassed, and was trying to hide behind the mother. Alas, I didn’t get to see if her bottom was padded.

It made me wonder – could these have really been for her? Why did her mother bring her daughter down to the supermarket at three in the afternoon, just to buy some diapers that were her size? Could it have been that she had just started bedwetting, and that these were for her, for naps and nighttime? Or could it be that she still pooped only in diapers, and her supply had run out, therefore mother and daughter had to rush down to buy them at that hour?

I wish I knew the true story. But sadly, I don’t.




Is It possible To Keep A Child In Diapers? Part 2

Part 2

So, the discussion continues. Pardon me, wasn’t feeling well the past week.

It is obvious that keeping a child in diapers has certain side-effects. Every choice has it’s consequence. In the case of an incontinent child, one could dismiss the resulting inconveniences as something which nothing could be done about. In most cases that is true; even the ‘curable’ forms of incontinence would take years to resolve. There are the physical inconveniences, such as needing to change diapers, finding places to change them, providing for clothes to conceal them etc. Then there are the emotional aspects, such as explaining to and comforting the child, teaching the to tackle situations should they arise, helping them fit it, protecting them from paedophiles, etc. No need to mention the financial cost.

There are horrible parents who still keep their children in diapers way past school-going age. Japan is known for this, the western world is slowly catching up. The YouTube clip below states that 1 in 10 kids in Britain still wear diapers to school. So the number while small, is significant. Poor things, those teachers, they change diapers for pee too? I feel that is too extreme. But that aside, we have a sensing that there are hundreds of kids out there who may be trained for pee, but may still require a diaper for their #2.

What about a child who needs a diaper when he/she needs to poop? Big deal, just give a diaper, you could say. But the thing is, the act of forcing poop out into a disposable garment is the easy part. The parent would have to buy the diapers, would have to put it on to the child. And once she is done, they would have to clean her up, and dispose of the diaper as well. Would any adult want to actually come into contact with fecal matter? How would they deal with their relatives? And how would they answer when their child asks why she is still needing a diaper.

Most likely, a child would need to ‘control’ her poop until he/she has access to a diaper. This most likely would be when they reach home after a long day at school. This could cause problems. The constant urge to go could cause the child to lose their concentration in their lessons and studies. When faeces is retained in the rectum, more liquid than usual is drawn out of it making it harder and firmer. This means that it becomes harder to pass motion, and could result in constipation for the child. Repeat this cycle day-in, day-out for years and you have a recipe for potential bowel problems. Piles, polyps, intense pain when passing. What goes on down there affects what happens up there too.

As we all know, a child’s self-esteem during his/her formative years is very important. Keeping that self-esteem high is in part the parent’s job too, especially in the earlier years. One could be getting good grades, excelling in a sport and getting general praise from friends and family. So imagine the effect it would have on him to have to constantly hide a glaring secret from just about everyone! Think of all the missed sleep-overs, school-camps, overseas trips etc, having to hide his bag from his friends, not inviting them to his house for fear of accidental discovery, having to explain to his girlfriend etc. A parent could aid in covering up and mitigating these fears, but there is a limit to their intervention.

But here are still the child’s own thoughts. Wouldn’t it be embarrassing if others found out? Would they be subject to intense bullying? Would they resent being unable to use the toilet at all?

And then there is the moral aspect. Legally there is no official age to toilet-train a child, though establishments such as swimming pools and day-care centres can turn away children who aren’t. (It wouldn’t really affect children who need diapers only for #2.) None of the world’s religions give a number either. But people argue that allowing a human to continue to soil themselves is an indiscriminate act, even if they choose a diaper over a toilet. That is why you don’t see that many diaper wearers out there.

But seeing that supermarkets are somewhat well stocked speaks for itself – this trend is emerging, there is demand for diapers for older kids. One could blame the parents, for neglecting the child. Or seeking the easy way out. Or wanting to keep babying their grown child. Or protecting their child from unsanitary toilets. But whatever the case, with the ever globalising and modernising world, the number of kids being kept in diapers, particularly just for #2, will keep increasing.

So the parting thought is this: would the kid want to remain wearing diapers if he/she had a choice at the start? I say it is physically possible to do so, yes. But spare a moment and think abut that little human’s feelings first.

– Selv