Mamy Poko Promo

I was grocery shopping in my neighbourhood’s Fairprice wast weekend. Wasn’t all that unusual, except for the giant Mamy Poko giveaway counter at the entrance. The result? Several parents walking around the supermarket with a giant pack of Mamy Poko Air Fit diapers.

There was a competition of sorts previously and many were there to collect their ‘winnings’. I have to admit, winning an entire pack of diapers sounds so cool! Even though I don’t wear baby diapers I still kinda felt envious. There was the buy-1-get-1-free promo, which meant many people were walking around carrying that large pack.

But it was fun seeing all these young women unabashedly carrying a pack of diapers around. (Unfortunately that also means they are all mums, and not diapergirls )’: ) I overheard at least 2 people joking to their kids/siblings that they should wear diapers again, just to make use of this promotion. Guess it’s a uniquely Singaporean attitude.


A poster for the giveaway.

– Selv


Why are people afraid to discuss toilet issues?

We have all experienced it – you have a stomachache and you want to ask someone what to do. Or you are out with your friends and you need to pee, but you are ashamed and hold back. Why are we afraid to talk about going to the bathroom?

Sanitation is one of seven basic needs of human beings. The rest, sleep, shelter, food, water, sex, are readily discussed with peers and relatives (well, maybe not the last). But why don’t we discuss about bodily elimination?

Generally when we are in a group setting with semi-strangers we are reluctant to admit that we need to go to the bathroom. Add in people of the opposite gender, and the likelihood of mentioning going to the bathroom drops. This is just for peeing, we never ever mention that we are going to do a #2.


Pic Credit:

Why are we afraid to let our family/SO/friends hear us pooping? I went to a youth seminar turing my JC days. It was about 3 days in and amongst us there was a girl who let slip that she hadn’t pooped since we had arrived. At one point she quipped “hey girls, tonight don’t come near the (shared) toilets”. Maybe it was more to make us laugh, but she did seem genuinely shy about it.

We often demand the maximum possible privacy when we need to go to the bathroom. Some people drop sheets of toilet roll into the bowl to minimise the ‘splash’ sound, some people leave the shower running, some even banish their S/O to the other side of the house for half an hour. My cousin for many years now, still leaves the shower running when she goes. Perhaps it is ingrained within us that one’s potty habits are akin to their darkest secrets, hence we don’t discuss it.

But still, why are we reluctant to talk about our bathroom habits? We talk about how much/ little we sleep, or even how much/little we ate last week. Do we have a lower threshold for this particular basic need? We can control our hunger, thirst etc for a relatively longer period compared to when we need to use a bathroom. Some people even plan their schedules keeping their bathroom breaks in mind. But when the push comes to shove, we often hurry to find the nearest toilet.


One theory is that us going to the toilet reminds us about our mortality. After all, we are banishing something that was a part of our body during the process. People with certain ailments might feel pain when they go, which serves as yet another indication of their limited time on earth.

Another theory is that pee and poop are essentially unwanted things. We know how smelly they are, how much bacteria they contain etc. That’s why we cover our noses when people fart. And we all inherently recognise this. That’s why we feel that we might offend others if we start talking about the unusual colour of our recent emissions, because we would be literally talking about shit.


Pic Credit:


Perhaps that’s why we also prefer to do our poops at home, on the comfort of our own porcelain thrones. The one place we have been doing it for years, and where (almost) no one can hear you (and judge you) for the undignified mess you create regularly.

So where does toilet humour fit into this puzzle? Why do we laugh when we hear a toddler (or even your grandpa) fart? Is it an indication that they ‘cannot control’ their poop properly hence they are weak? Then again in that same vein, why does your dad think it is funny to fart loudly when the entire family is trapped in a lift? Is it because he revels in that temporary moment where he alone had the power to make everyone feel disgusted? We humans can be cruel at times, but we are generally kind to our loved ones.

I guess we all want our private space and this is, in some way the only time some people get privacy. Those who share rooms with their spouses and siblings will know. We don’t have to talk about what we as a society aren’t comfortable about, but we also shouldn’t hesitate when we need to ask for advice.


– Selv

My India Trip

For those celebrating the end of the fasting month, I wish you a fruitful Eid Mubarak!

I’ve been overseas these past few weeks, on a community involvement program.  My organisation has partnered with SCAD, an organisation which oversees several projects helping a range of people from various backgrounds. As it was my organisation’s first OCIP trip, we decided to work on a simple project with a special needs school in Cheranmahadevi, India.

Based on a prior visit by the recce team, we split our project into a few parts. The main portion was the refurbishment of the school’s relaxation corner – a room where these underprivileged kids could play games and toys. We painted the room, and filled the shelves with toys which we collected in Singapore.

Another portion of the project involved adding games catered to the needs of these kids – most of whom had learning disabilities – such as texture cubes and a race track corner. The aim here was to engage the sensory and motor skills of these kids, to complement the academic portion for which they were already in school for

Then there was an interaction session with these kids – a simple art session where we made paper-plate jellyfish and a simple origami dog. These kids don’t really get to do artwork and it was heartening to see them expressing themselves. They may have been aged from 12-20 but the 3 teens I worked with were really kids at heart. The simple joy of writing your own name on your own artwork is something that most of us take for granted, but for these kids, it made their day. I’m glad that I was able to help them achieve that.

After the CIP portion, we had a small heritage tour of the region, stopping by cities such as Tirunelveli, Madurai, Tanjore and Tiruchi. My friends fell sick one by one, but I was the last to fall sick. They had all recovered by the last city Tiruchi, so they left me in the hotel while they went shopping and watching movies. I kept running to the toilet every half an hour, inflicted with a terrible bout of stomach flu which made even the plain water I drank to come out of the back door. That was the only time during the entire trip which I (terribly) missed my Tenas.

There was one toilet-training incident which I observed, and it shook me a little. I was in a toilet cubicle and there was this conversation between father and son transpiring in the next cubicle. The dad had brought the boy to the toilet and he asked him, “do you want to poop”. He didn’t answer. “Have you already pooped”. No answer again.

SLAP. “No, I don’t know”, he replied sullenly. The dad started to take off the boy’s diaper, grumbling loudly that he didn’t know how to tell when he needed to go and how his mother was going to be furious etc. So he sees that the diaper is clean and he gets frustrated. “Why don’t you just answer me properly?” SLAP. “Do you need to go poop now?”, he asks and the boy mush have shook his head or something because the dad roars “I want you to sit on the toilet and poop now“.

As I stood up and left, the kid was sobbing and pooping. They were an urban middle class family, but what struck me was the amount of intimidation that was used in potty training. That’s their way of life there, slaps as punishment. I was slipping in and out because of my stomach flu but that incident stuck to my consciousness. The kid moved from diapers because he was scared that his dad would hit him, not because he wanted to be like his peers.

Overall I feel that this trip did open my eyes to this part of the world. It was a memorable trip, and I feel that I gained valuable skills and insights through this trip.

– Selv

ABDLs and Toilet Training

Ah, a parenting pet peeve. We know that kids must be toilet trained by school-going age. But why?

The simple answer is economics. When humans began living in permanent settlements, we didn’t want to dirty our furniture and living spaces. Toilets were established as a way to consolidate this icky matter, and was often used by agrarian societies as fertiliser.

Diapers are expensive, and take effort to maintain. So why not fix certain locations where you do your thing, and forget about 5-times-a-day diaper changes? Besides, nobody wants to keep on wiping their child’s productions for years on end. You pay $xx for diapers at the supermarket. You don’t think about how much water you flush everyday when you see your water bill, do you?

Many ABs, DLs and Littles use diapers. They may be wearing for short periods, overnight, or even 24/7. They may use their diapers for one or both of its intended purposes. But that doesn’t mean that we were never toilet trained, or were trained super early or something. Rather, we feel it is an essential comfort item, or security blanket. A kid may or may not want to hug their teddy bear every night – similarly we want the security of our diapers.

Being toilet-trained does affect a child’s social life. Imagine needing to wear pull-ups during afternoon naps in kindergarten. Or being unable to attend a sleepover because a child refuses to poop in the toilet. Children can be a very nasty bunch.

Which leads to the question – what do we think about toilet training?

At first glance, it may seem that the community tries to discourage parents from toilet-training their kids early. Indeed, looking through the comments section in related youtube videos or mother care forums, you see this trend of people commenting and saying “no, don’t rush to potty-train them” or “is the kid trained now”.

Such comments make one think that ABDLs are a bunch of pedophiles. But netizens must understand that these small numbers of ‘internet trolls’ do not represent the rest of the community. There may be diaper fetishists who are behind these comments, but the ABDL community does not condone that kind of behaviour.

Subconsciously, people know that society requires that kids be toilet trained. Yet, since we still wear diapers, we are often curious to see if there is a correlation. Does late training lead to regression? Or does early training lead to regression? What family environment, what parental behaviour leads to a kid’s well-being, and does it mirror what we experienced when we were young? We seek answers to our own past when we sift through such data.

In fact, you see many ABDL parents actively training their kids at the appropriate age – just like any other parent. It is one of the first rites of passage for a human being. What they say about toilet training is never different from what others say. Never have I seen a case where an ABDL parent refused to train their kid, just because they are ABDLs!

Some people think toilet-training is a necessary evil. But I disagree with that label. Because while a child may cry, whine, be terrified, withhold their poop, get constipated and so on, eventually it conditions them to deal with a bodily need in a way that’s best for society’s good. Mountains of diapers in landfills?

Ultimately, I feel that as a diaper-wearing adult, revisiting this milestone helps me to think about the decisions that have shaped me into who I am. I was day-trained by 3, but only fully toilet-trained at 4+, late by Asian standards. My other cousins were trained by 3, but my youngest cousin sister would only poop in a diaper, until she was 4+. However our circumstances were very different, I was raised by my grandma while she was raised at daycare.

As long as we continue to wear diapers, people will continue to search for answers about why we were stopped from wearing diapers, and why we started again.

– Selv


I was at Ikea Tampines last week, shopping for some kitchenware with my mother. We were passing through the kids section when I saw something that made my heart wither away.

A young dad and his two year old daughter were nearby, looking at some child-sized chairs and potty-chairs. He picked up one and started lecturing the small girl.

“Ah girl, this is a potty. You sit here to do your shee-shee and ngg-ngg (pee-pee and poo-poo)”.

I was like, hey we’re at Ikea, the child’s having fun looking through the markers and other kiddy stuff so why torment her like this?

But he didn’t stop there. He took a seat, put it on the ground, and made the girl sit on it, pants and all. The child, too young to understand what was happening, happily sat down with a smile. Wait till potty-training starts, I think to myself.

Oh you just wait, you lucky kid. You are one of the rare people for whom toilet-training started in an Ikea store! How about that? Never mind the colour-markers and shelves full of cuddly stuffed-toys. Daddy saw a random stack of potties and the rest was history.

The man continued to lecture his child with things like ‘you are a big girl now’, ‘must take off your shorts and pampers first, ‘must sit until you finish’, and other stuff that makes DLs die a little on the inside listening to.

I feel that the worst part was that the kid was happily nodding away to what her daddy was saying. She didn’t realise that she was in such an embarrassing position. She probably didn’t understand what he even meant.  Would she cooperate when Day 1 of toilet-training arrived, (perhaps that very night itself)? By the looks of it, she probably would.

Don’t get me wrong. Toilet-training is an integral part of human development. But I feel that you shouldn’t start it in such a public place, in a place where you are supposed to feel happy (Ikea in this case). And of course, everyone was looking at them, including mothers with their own diapered kids. I wouldn’t want to subject my children to this kind of humiliation. (If I get a Little Girl as a life partner, then maybe, I might reenact this scene, consent withstanding.)

As the dad put the potty-chair into his shopping bag, the kid wandered off to the shelves with the colourful markers.

– Selv

P.S. Lilla, the IKEA potty-chair that is the little girl’s first potty, is the Swedish word for ‘small’. Of all the things in their gigantic store to call small, they chose a potty-chair.

Time Heals Scars

I’ve been reading some old comments posted about my first ABDL story, The Girl Who Wondered If Only. The main criticism is that most people couldn’t find it plausible that such a thing could happen in real life. I admit that, yes it is an ABDL story after all. But I thought I’d share with you the basis for the idea.

It comes from the toilet training story of my second sister, who I’ll call Pri (P.S., read: Pree). I’m the eldest of three children, and I have two younger sisters. My first sister was toilet trained much quicker than me, by age 3 and taking 4 months. I took longer because I started late, I was done by 4.5 years and it took me 5 months. You can read that story here.

But it took my second sister Pri nearly 10 months! None of our cousins came close to breaking that record. I still remember the incident clearly.

We were staying over at my grandparents’ house. My dad and first sister were out of the house. I was playing with Pri, who had just turned 2. My mum was talking to grandma. Their conversation was along the line of when to start toilet training Pri. At one point, Pri stopped what she was doing and her facial expression became concentrated. Immediately, my mum, emboldened by the chat, stood up and pulled up her dress, and ripped off her diaper! Pri was wailing and crying, saying “no, no” as she was carried to the kitchen toilet. I tried to side her but grandma promptly sent me back to the living room.

For nearly 5 minutes, there was a lot of noise coming from the bathroom as the two ladies tried to coax Pri to poop. I guess a two year old could not understand what was going on, as she kept saying ‘no’, ‘no, ‘don’t want’.

I was sitting shell-shocked on the sofa. I had just started ‘borrowing’ diapers from her, and now they were going away? And what about Pri? I no longer had the job of telling my mum that she had pooped? It was officially Day 1 of toilet training, all over again. In hindsight, that was first time I ever did some soul-searching in my life.

But the ordeal hadn’t ended yet. Suddenly, there were really loud screams from mum and grandma, followed by throat-tearing screams from Pri. I ran to the bathroom, panicking. It seemed that they had put Pri on the toilet without a child-seat. And she had fallen in. My mum pulled her out and hugged her, but you could clearly see the fear in Pri’s face. Nobody else saw her pooping on my mother’s pants.

The damage was severe. Unlike for me and my first sis, Pri hadn’t been gradually introduced to the toilet. They had tried to toilet train her the olden way – by forcing it onto her when she was too young to realise. But it backfired. For the next few days, Pri was to scared to even go near the toilet during shower times. Eventually, my aunt suggested a potty chair and with much coaxing, two months later she was pee-trained in the daytime.

But she absolutely would not poop in the potty-chair. She started to hold it in, till her night time diaper, then she would go. When my mum realised the tactic, she would not put on the diaper until after she fell asleep. But she would then poop in her diaper first thing in the morning. This continued for a few months, I guess because my parents didn’t know what to do. Years later, I realised that she continued to bed wet because she was holding in her poop. See bedwetting for the specifics.

Anyway, six months after the initial incident, there came a short stretch where she was dry in the mornings. The result was that she no longer needed diapers but, still fearful of the toilet, she started to poop in her underwear. The bedwetting started again, but this time my parents decided to go cold-turkey. My father also punished her for this, so she clearly knew that it was wrong. However, with little progress, the diapers returned within a week.

I believe that she used the ‘Drypers’ brand. Pri slowly stopped her bedwetting, but she still got to wear a diaper at night, and was given one hour extra in the morning for her to do her business. By now she was peeing in the toilet, due to peer pressure in school, but she still refused to poop in it. The trick that had worked for me, that is a hole in my diaper on the toilet, and caning, didn’t work for her as she saw through that. I remember I used to ‘hide’ Pri behind the laundry basket, under a pillow in a sort of ‘clothes-fort’ while she did her deed. My first sis preferred to catch her red-handed, but it was rare as her school was in the morning session.

Eventually, the rules were tightened greatly, and her new Nursery 2 school teacher started to be more proactive. With great peer pressure, tight rules and time healing the scar, she finally decided that she didn’t want diapers any more.

You can see here that it took a lot of effort to undo the initial incident of falling into the toilet. It took a long time for Pri to get convinced that the toilet wasn’t going to harm her. That is the basis for The Girl Who Wondered If Only.

– Selv

An Unusual Sight

Some of you may remember that I was due to finish a novel by the end of November. Sadly, I don’t think I could finish it by then. Stuff just kept popping up. I’ve also fixed the broken link to my story at ABDLStoryForum.

Today I was at NTUC Simei Buying some groceries. I was at the cashier, paying for my stuff when the next customer queued up behind me. She was a Chinese lady in her mid-thirtees. I noticed that all she had was a pack of Mamy Poko size XXL diapers, as well as some wipes.

Her young daughter was there too. She couldn’t have been older than six, and was bespectacled, wearing a white blouse and yellow shorts. As far as I could tell, she was a healthy Singaporean girl.

I observed the little girl for a bit. She was acting shy and embarrassed, and was trying to hide behind the mother. Alas, I didn’t get to see if her bottom was padded.

It made me wonder – could these have really been for her? Why did her mother bring her daughter down to the supermarket at three in the afternoon, just to buy some diapers that were her size? Could it have been that she had just started bedwetting, and that these were for her, for naps and nighttime? Or could it be that she still pooped only in diapers, and her supply had run out, therefore mother and daughter had to rush down to buy them at that hour?

I wish I knew the true story. But sadly, I don’t.




Is It possible To Keep A Child In Diapers? Part 2

Part 2

So, the discussion continues. Pardon me, wasn’t feeling well the past week.

It is obvious that keeping a child in diapers has certain side-effects. Every choice has it’s consequence. In the case of an incontinent child, one could dismiss the resulting inconveniences as something which nothing could be done about. In most cases that is true; even the ‘curable’ forms of incontinence would take years to resolve. There are the physical inconveniences, such as needing to change diapers, finding places to change them, providing for clothes to conceal them etc. Then there are the emotional aspects, such as explaining to and comforting the child, teaching the to tackle situations should they arise, helping them fit it, protecting them from paedophiles, etc. No need to mention the financial cost.

There are horrible parents who still keep their children in diapers way past school-going age. Japan is known for this, the western world is slowly catching up. The YouTube clip below states that 1 in 10 kids in Britain still wear diapers to school. So the number while small, is significant. Poor things, those teachers, they change diapers for pee too? I feel that is too extreme. But that aside, we have a sensing that there are hundreds of kids out there who may be trained for pee, but may still require a diaper for their #2.

What about a child who needs a diaper when he/she needs to poop? Big deal, just give a diaper, you could say. But the thing is, the act of forcing poop out into a disposable garment is the easy part. The parent would have to buy the diapers, would have to put it on to the child. And once she is done, they would have to clean her up, and dispose of the diaper as well. Would any adult want to actually come into contact with fecal matter? How would they deal with their relatives? And how would they answer when their child asks why she is still needing a diaper.

Most likely, a child would need to ‘control’ her poop until he/she has access to a diaper. This most likely would be when they reach home after a long day at school. This could cause problems. The constant urge to go could cause the child to lose their concentration in their lessons and studies. When faeces is retained in the rectum, more liquid than usual is drawn out of it making it harder and firmer. This means that it becomes harder to pass motion, and could result in constipation for the child. Repeat this cycle day-in, day-out for years and you have a recipe for potential bowel problems. Piles, polyps, intense pain when passing. What goes on down there affects what happens up there too.

As we all know, a child’s self-esteem during his/her formative years is very important. Keeping that self-esteem high is in part the parent’s job too, especially in the earlier years. One could be getting good grades, excelling in a sport and getting general praise from friends and family. So imagine the effect it would have on him to have to constantly hide a glaring secret from just about everyone! Think of all the missed sleep-overs, school-camps, overseas trips etc, having to hide his bag from his friends, not inviting them to his house for fear of accidental discovery, having to explain to his girlfriend etc. A parent could aid in covering up and mitigating these fears, but there is a limit to their intervention.

But here are still the child’s own thoughts. Wouldn’t it be embarrassing if others found out? Would they be subject to intense bullying? Would they resent being unable to use the toilet at all?

And then there is the moral aspect. Legally there is no official age to toilet-train a child, though establishments such as swimming pools and day-care centres can turn away children who aren’t. (It wouldn’t really affect children who need diapers only for #2.) None of the world’s religions give a number either. But people argue that allowing a human to continue to soil themselves is an indiscriminate act, even if they choose a diaper over a toilet. That is why you don’t see that many diaper wearers out there.

But seeing that supermarkets are somewhat well stocked speaks for itself – this trend is emerging, there is demand for diapers for older kids. One could blame the parents, for neglecting the child. Or seeking the easy way out. Or wanting to keep babying their grown child. Or protecting their child from unsanitary toilets. But whatever the case, with the ever globalising and modernising world, the number of kids being kept in diapers, particularly just for #2, will keep increasing.

So the parting thought is this: would the kid want to remain wearing diapers if he/she had a choice at the start? I say it is physically possible to do so, yes. But spare a moment and think abut that little human’s feelings first.

– Selv

Is It Possible To Keep A Child In Diapers When He/She Isn’t Incontinent?

Part 1

I am going to take reference from a few ABDL stories which several writers (myself included), have written about.

A girl(or boy), who hasn’t been toilet-trained for passing motion, uses diapers to do her daily business. She is not incontinent, in any way, and is your everyday girl, like any other person her age you’d meet. But is this really possible? Can a child’s parent really allow their child to escape toilet-training beyond a certain age? Is it possible that a normal person living in normal circumstances get away with using diapers, with all their friends and family frowning down on them. And what would be the side-effects of such a situation? It doesn’t have to be a girl, it could also be a boy.

Picture this; an eleven year old girl wakes up in the dead of the night. She is in the middle of her school’s Primary 5 camp, and there are hundreds of girls around her, most in a deep slumber. A terrible, nagging sensation in her butt intensifies, preventing her from concentrating on sleeping, and she decides she can’t take it anymore. As quiet as she could, she opens up her bag and she pulls out a plastic bag. Silently, she remorsefully steps over her sleeping buddy, whom she is supposed to wake if she needed to go to the toilet at night, and makes her way to the very remote top-floor toilets.
There, she locks herself into a cubicle and she undresses, and proceeds to put on a diaper. She then poops, emptying out 2 days worth of processed food into her diaper. She is aware that she is pooping her diaper, right in front of a toilet, and uneasily looks away. At this juncture, something awful happens, say, a fire breaks out and there is a fire-evecuation drill. What would happen to this girl? Does she slowly change out of her poopy diaper and leave the diaper in the cubicle before assembling with the others, leaving her friends to worry and for panicked teachers to search for her? Or does she pull on her pants and run to assemble, and hope that no one notices the crinkle sound and awful smell emanating from her big-padded posterior?

Those two paragraphs of fantasy story highlights everything that a real life diaper-pooping child would have to face outside the comfort zone of her home and room. Would a young child be able to handle such stress?

I have been pondering this question for years, and I have formed a conclusion; only children from extreme family backgrounds would have the remotest chance. Single-parent, middle-income, maybe no love, always attended to by a servant or nanny, no friends or with little contact with people their age. Basically parents who do not bother with their kid. Or parents who love their kids to bits and do not want to hurt them in any way. Even then, a very simple calculation would show that keeping a child in diapers is much more expensive than the water bills for flushing toilets and toilet paper. (For 1 year approx, Baby Diapers = $205, Adult Diapers = $296, Flushwater+TP=$20+28)** That would be the biggest incentive for a parent to wean their kid off diapers even if they don’t emotionally care about the child.

To this end, I’ve come across a few cases of children right here in Singapore who used diapers just to poop. Do they still need diapers to poop, I don’t know. But back in their day, they were hushed up by their parents, who were desperate to train their child. Incidentally, while we all know that boys are harder to toilet train, I’ve only seen girls so far, that escape well beyond primary one. Here’s one Singaporean forum thread that still exists.


So it would take a very unsocial, rarely-sees-extended-family kind of kid with a weak, non-domineering and don’t-want-to hurt-my-kid-at-all kind of parent for this to be even plausible. Given that or society is rather big, and modernisation does create such families I guess it is plausible for such a scenario to play out in creating a child who is not incontinent yet uses a diaper.

So what about the struggles and side-effects on such a child? We shall examine that in Part 2…


** These figures are approximate, and are based on a person passing motion 370 times a year. Prices of Mamy Poko XXL, Giant Store Brand Diapers M, Scott Premium 3-ply Toilet Rolls, and a monthly bill of $8.92/m^3 were assumed, without prevailing promotions. Ok, enough, this was supposed to be an approximation. But the numbers speak volumes.