Meaningless

via Daily Prompt: Meaningless

Sometimes, the uncertainty is excruciating – what chances is there of meeting an ABDL out there?  Just getting someone who’s first written to you to respond, is a waiting game in itself.

I don’t know, this whole waiting game is not fun anymore. The only way to interact with more people seems to be that you’d have to show your body and face, do something cringeworthy like show the contents of your diaper and stuff. Even then, it won’t go far cos I’m a male in a male-dominated community.

How then can I interact with the ABDL community? The main forums are dying, guarded by anchors who are very jumpy about stuff in general. Posting nudes and the like is out. Blogging is not working out. You can’t talk ABDL stuff to vanilla friends. I don’t have an SO.

This is hopeless.

– Selv

28 Diapers

Admittedly, this is one of my largest hauls ever, second to last month’s 30 diapers. But they were spread over 2 packs. It was when I was at the shop buying them that I thought to myself, why not try getting a ‘deluxe’ pack of diapers – the usual Tena Slip Super in a pack of 28 instead of the usual 10.

So I started to do my research and found out that yes, it was indeed value for money (I’ll come back to this in a bit), but I’d have to haul the bulk back on public transport, to my school hostel.

Obviously I decided it was worth the risk. So I started to comb the pharmacies in the west. The usual Unity, Guardian and Watsons chains didn’t carry it. The latter two didn’t even carry the TSS. Then I headed over to the Polyclinic pharmacies. But they don’t carry cloth-backed diaper varieties these days, save for some old stock like the 2014-era TSMs… manufactured in 2014 .

I wouldn’t call it a decline, it’s just that plastic-backed diapers are much cheaper. Most people don’t test the products on themselves before putting them on their loved ones, so they don’t know the difference it truly makes. Anyway, a budget diaper costs around 55-65c a piece while a premium economy diaper costs around 70-90c a piece. Most cloth-backs cost more than a dollar. Thus one would save a fair bit of money each month.

So I managed to locate a pharmacy, at Ng Teng Fong General Hospital (I still think it should be called Jurong East General Hospital, #moneypolitics).

The saleslady I spoke to was a little loud. Uncomfortably loud, in a cramped space filled with people. But otherwise she was professional, as she helped me check on the stock availability and price. She mentioned that very few places in Singapore carried the 28pc set, and that it usually was snapped up very quickly. They were usually used by stroke patients. Then she asked me ‘how many diapers a day was used’. I coyly replied 1 pack of 28 a month, and that was that, no question on who used them and for what.

In momentarily slipping up my math, I thought it was too expensive and I tried to slip away, but she already had my contact detail. As luck would have it, they were receiving a shipment of inventory the next day, which included just 4 packs of these 28pc TSSs. So she contacted me, and this was the message that I received.

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Yea, I appreciate you renaming me after my security blanket, thank you very much indeed.

I was arriving to pick up my package. By then the lady has sent me multiple texts and even called me to confirm AND direct me to a different pharmacy. More walking. Yay.

This pharmacy was empty, so I had a chat with the cashier. It was a casual chat, but she boasted that the prices in that pharmacy ‘are the best in Singapore’. So I paid $29.95 for 28 diapers, so that works out to be $1.07 per piece – a significant discount on the $1.41 to $1.57 per piece I usually pay.

Then the package came and boy was I in for a surprise. It was huge – but who was I kidding? That’s 28 diapers crammed in in there! Now there was the sticky issue of bringing it home. I know that I couldn’t take the train to school now, with the packaging visible and all.

So I decided my best bet was to take a series of busses to school. Waiting for the bus, on a sunny afternoon can be very distressing. Especially when your phone is about to run out of battery and the bus arrival timing was definitely off by 10 minutes. Eventually, I in my hostel.

But I only realised the strange thing about it once I was back in my hostel room – the diapers were the 2014 model… You can see how its stacked in two layers. I was kind of expecting the newer ones. Oh well, not that these are bad, I feel that they look better than the new ones. But the new ones are a fraction thinner and feel more snug, even though both are of the same cut.

– Selv

Size S Diapers

I bought a pack of Lille Supremfit Maxi recently. But I bought size S. To be certain, my waist size was still within the prescribed range of 60-100cm so I figured it should be ok. In any case, I had gone down to get a pack of size S Tena slip supers. But they were out of stock.

The staff on duty recommended that I get the S sized Lille SupremFit rather than the S sized Tena Slip Super. He pointed out that it was more value-for-money, but I suspect it was because he was out of stock for the latter.

I returned to my hostel, but was unable to wear them immediately. So when I eagerly put one on a few days later, I was disappointed to note it was a diaper for teenagers. I could only put on the top pair of tapes, which struggled to stick past my hip bones.

Performance-wise, they were able to hold a ton, even fully holding an 800ml enema flood, without leaking. Even though the back had been cut open to allow liquid to seep into a second diaper, the latter was dry.

BUT, since the fit was tight, I did experience leaks when lying down. The size S diaper fails to catch liquid in that position for me, even though my hip is within the prescribed range.

I had some issues with the M size diaper, mainly clumping which in turn tended to press against my male anatomy. But at least the M ones were able to catch liquid. The S ones did not have any clumping issues, so I’m guessing that Lille has made some improvements in the meantime. So I guess the lesson here is to wear a diaper in which you can tape on all the tapes – they serve as a guide to ensure that it can catch all liquid emissions.

But I’m thinking of stowing away the remaining size S LSFM diapers, or selling them. Wearing a diaper that doesn’t do its job for me isn’t working. Back to the TSS for me. Might try some other plastic-backed ones, now that I have a single hostel room.

– Selv

ABDLs and Toilet Training

Ah, a parenting pet peeve. We know that kids must be toilet trained by school-going age. But why?

The simple answer is economics. When humans began living in permanent settlements, we didn’t want to dirty our furniture and living spaces. Toilets were established as a way to consolidate this icky matter, and was often used by agrarian societies as fertiliser.

Diapers are expensive, and take effort to maintain. So why not fix certain locations where you do your thing, and forget about 5-times-a-day diaper changes? Besides, nobody wants to keep on wiping their child’s productions for years on end. You pay $xx for diapers at the supermarket. You don’t think about how much water you flush everyday when you see your water bill, do you?

Many ABs, DLs and Littles use diapers. They may be wearing for short periods, overnight, or even 24/7. They may use their diapers for one or both of its intended purposes. But that doesn’t mean that we were never toilet trained, or were trained super early or something. Rather, we feel it is an essential comfort item, or security blanket. A kid may or may not want to hug their teddy bear every night – similarly we want the security of our diapers.

Being toilet-trained does affect a child’s social life. Imagine needing to wear pull-ups during afternoon naps in kindergarten. Or being unable to attend a sleepover because a child refuses to poop in the toilet. Children can be a very nasty bunch.

Which leads to the question – what do we think about toilet training?

At first glance, it may seem that the community tries to discourage parents from toilet-training their kids early. Indeed, looking through the comments section in related youtube videos or mother care forums, you see this trend of people commenting and saying “no, don’t rush to potty-train them” or “is the kid trained now”.

Such comments make one think that ABDLs are a bunch of pedophiles. But netizens must understand that these small numbers of ‘internet trolls’ do not represent the rest of the community. There may be diaper fetishists who are behind these comments, but the ABDL community does not condone that kind of behaviour.

Subconsciously, people know that society requires that kids be toilet trained. Yet, since we still wear diapers, we are often curious to see if there is a correlation. Does late training lead to regression? Or does early training lead to regression? What family environment, what parental behaviour leads to a kid’s well-being, and does it mirror what we experienced when we were young? We seek answers to our own past when we sift through such data.

In fact, you see many ABDL parents actively training their kids at the appropriate age – just like any other parent. It is one of the first rites of passage for a human being. What they say about toilet training is never different from what others say. Never have I seen a case where an ABDL parent refused to train their kid, just because they are ABDLs!

Some people think toilet-training is a necessary evil. But I disagree with that label. Because while a child may cry, whine, be terrified, withhold their poop, get constipated and so on, eventually it conditions them to deal with a bodily need in a way that’s best for society’s good. Mountains of diapers in landfills?

Ultimately, I feel that as a diaper-wearing adult, revisiting this milestone helps me to think about the decisions that have shaped me into who I am. I was day-trained by 3, but only fully toilet-trained at 4+, late by Asian standards. My other cousins were trained by 3, but my youngest cousin sister would only poop in a diaper, until she was 4+. However our circumstances were very different, I was raised by my grandma while she was raised at daycare.

As long as we continue to wear diapers, people will continue to search for answers about why we were stopped from wearing diapers, and why we started again.

– Selv

Vivocity

So, I was walking around Vivocity yesterday. It’s a huge shopping mall here, and I had just ended my work shift. I walked over to Cold Storage Supermarket, and they didn’t have adult diapers. I peeked into the adjacent Guardian pharmacy and again, no adult ones. So I went down to Giant Supermarket (there are 2 supermarkets, that’s how huge this place is). But before that I checked in at Watsons Pharmacy and they too didn’t have any. I kinda started having that sinking feeling, as I entered Giant. Thankfully, they did have their diaper section stocked.

To think that in that huge shopping mall, there was only ONE place which sold bigger diapers! While I admit that diapers are indeed for a niche market, I kind of was surprised that there weren’t that many places to buy them. Giant Vivocity is where I usually buy my Escapede TSS diapers, so it was kind of a relief.

I was eating my lunch when I noticed a couple and their 3 year old girl walking very fast. The father suddenly picked her up, but he held her on his hip, arm above her bottom. He mentioned “Eee, smelly”, and the girl held her nose and giggled. The three of them disappeared into the crowd.

Maybe I was tired out after my shift to have these rambling thoughts…

– Selv

Getting Into The Groove

So.. I’ve decided that I really need to escape from this tiny red dot. Hence, I’ll be running off to Kuala Lumpur for my 7th Escapede in 2 weeks time. I conveniently realised that I haven’t cashed in my festive money from last year, so I’m happily going to be scooting off.

This one’s going to be ambitious, not because it’s multi-city again, but because I’ll be travelling on a tight schedule. I’ll be off when school reopens, hence I’ll have to leave after a wednesday morning class (should I skip it?), and be back by a friday afternoon. Anyways, KL friends, if you would want to meet up for a cup of tea, do get in touch.

My diaper of choice is most likely going to be the Tena Slip Super, a staple of my escapedes, but I’m debating on whether or not to try the S size. I have always been wearing the M ones, so perhaps this is the time to try on the S ones. The issue is getting them. I’d have to walk into a home-care shop, likely Rehabmart, to get my hands on these.

Speaking of diaper reviews, the long-awaited review of the Tena Slip Maxi is now out. I wrote it, unaware that Tena was revamping the series, hence that review is based on the 2014 version. The reason I’m so slow with these things is not the writing, it’s the photos. Even then, I’ll admit they aren’t that fantastic.

I have been doing my research for my novel, and some of the advice I’ve been seeing with regards to my subject matter is pretty disturbing enough. But what really puts me off has been the attitude of certain people towards the subject. Do drop by next Saturday, to read my thoughts on ABDLs and potty training.

Returning Online

So… this is my first recess week in which I won’t be travelling or having an escapede. That’s cos I’m pretty low on funds. Instead, I will be working. And hopefully, wearing more often.

I need to catch up on my schoolwork. And my ABDL side, which is dormant at the moment. I really need to finish up that eBook by next week, cos I sort of need the cash to come in. If not, I won’t have the money to wear diapers by month’s end. My school holidays got burned up in the production that we staged last sat, so that’s why I didn’t have time to work.

I hadn’t used diapers for nearly a month, sort of as an abstention, so that the show would go well. The first diaper after didn’t see its potential filled. But as I write this post in my second, I know its going to be a blast 🙂

The long- awaited Tena Slip Maxi review is ready, and will be posted by Saturday. There is one issue with it though, but I will explain it later.

I’ve noticed, in my several week absence from Tumblr, that some popular ABDL accounts have been deactivated. Without naming names, I was wondering why these disappearances happened. Tumblr does have some pretty strict picture laws, and I hope these didn’t do them in. Or worse, if family/personal matters caused them to cease and desist. Whatever your reason, I wish you guys a speedy recovery.

– Selv

Flip Flops

“Hello ma’am, the common room is now closed. Please leave,” the security guard barked.

Sophie jumped, she had been keenly listening to her recorded lecture. Nevertheless, she stood up  and slowly packed her bag, hoping that the security guard would go away. But the guard just stood at the door, holding it open. With no choice, she left.

Walking briskly, her slippers flip-flopping noisily, she began her long walk back to her hostel room. But she had barely walked 20 steps before the first wave hit her.

“C’mon Sophie, you can make it,” she told herself, reducing her impact. Having IBS was not fun, but getting the urge at unexpected moments was not the worst part.

As she rounded a corner, she felt another strong urge. But this now was too strong to disobey. She limped to a corner under a staircase, and bore down.

A minute later, she felt her pants. Nothing had leaked.

– Story by Selv

Time Slips Away

As some of you may be aware, Tena has revamped its Slip line.

On the surface, the older Tena Slips were more good looking. They both have the same features, but the new slip is thinner, and stretchier. After just half a pack, I feel that the new Slips are a vast improvement. (Much easier to have BMs, for starters)

I’ll post a review soon, probably in 2-3 weeks time. I’ve been so busy with school stuff that I hardly have time for myself now.

Take care people!

– Selv

A Long Term Temporary Routine

I have slowly been able to master the art of wearing every night, despite the presence of my roommate. In the mornings, I have also been able to do my morning routine while in my diaper, without alerting my roommate.

To their end, cloth-backed diapers have been a boon. My diaper of choice is the Tena Slip Super. They aren’t the most absorbent, but they are able to hold a decent amount of liquid. And with their new update, their retention ability is much improved.
I feel that wearing every night allows me to destress a little. I’ve been keeping up with this routine since end-october, with breaks of course. Again, avoiding having to sit on the toilet has also been a sort of thrill. I’ve never been afraid of sitting on the toilet, just that, like a preoccupied kid, I prefer the comfort of my own padding.
But as I gear up for the future, I know that this routine is temporary. A long-term temporary but yes, temporary. For I am not sure if my future wife will be accommodating of my nightly wish. Leave her if she does not accept you, I hear you say. But, given the struggle I am going through just to meet someone, walking away is a complex option.
Changing my soulmate’s diaper every morning just so that she doesn’t need to touch her own mess is something that I feel deeply about. Having a girl entrust you with her second-most intimate thing, every morning, is a weird wish. But why would a girl even want to agree?
Why do I harbour this innate desire to change a girl’s diaper? What’s wrong with my thinking? I consider myself moderately religious, yet I still have this ‘dirty’ thoughts. Why can’t I be like other normal people, who fantasise about having sex during exotic vacations? Why can’t I have the courage to ask a girl out, to even admit that I am her cultural group? Is it because I wear diapers? Is my wearing of diapers affecting my social life?
To be certain, diapering a girl is not a sexual thing for me. I’ve learnt to suppress my own erections because diapers aren’t sexual for me. I have long refused to admit (and still don’t) that I have a diaper fetish because the word fetish carries the connotation of being sexual. I would have to communicate this to her as well.
How will my soulmate react to the fact that I wear diapers not out of necessity? How further will she react when I tell her that I want her to poop in a diaper from time to time? How will I get the courage to tell her?
– Selv