Ah, a parenting pet peeve. We know that kids must be toilet trained by school-going age. But why?
The simple answer is economics. When humans began living in permanent settlements, we didn’t want to dirty our furniture and living spaces. Toilets were established as a way to consolidate this icky matter, and was often used by agrarian societies as fertiliser.
Diapers are expensive, and take effort to maintain. So why not fix certain locations where you do your thing, and forget about 5-times-a-day diaper changes? Besides, nobody wants to keep on wiping their child’s productions for years on end. You pay $xx for diapers at the supermarket. You don’t think about how much water you flush everyday when you see your water bill, do you?
Many ABs, DLs and Littles use diapers. They may be wearing for short periods, overnight, or even 24/7. They may use their diapers for one or both of its intended purposes. But that doesn’t mean that we were never toilet trained, or were trained super early or something. Rather, we feel it is an essential comfort item, or security blanket. A kid may or may not want to hug their teddy bear every night – similarly we want the security of our diapers.
Being toilet-trained does affect a child’s social life. Imagine needing to wear pull-ups during afternoon naps in kindergarten. Or being unable to attend a sleepover because a child refuses to poop in the toilet. Children can be a very nasty bunch.
Which leads to the question – what do we think about toilet training?
At first glance, it may seem that the community tries to discourage parents from toilet-training their kids early. Indeed, looking through the comments section in related youtube videos or mother care forums, you see this trend of people commenting and saying “no, don’t rush to potty-train them” or “is the kid trained now”.
Such comments make one think that ABDLs are a bunch of pedophiles. But netizens must understand that these small numbers of ‘internet trolls’ do not represent the rest of the community. There may be diaper fetishists who are behind these comments, but the ABDL community does not condone that kind of behaviour.
Subconsciously, people know that society requires that kids be toilet trained. Yet, since we still wear diapers, we are often curious to see if there is a correlation. Does late training lead to regression? Or does early training lead to regression? What family environment, what parental behaviour leads to a kid’s well-being, and does it mirror what we experienced when we were young? We seek answers to our own past when we sift through such data.
In fact, you see many ABDL parents actively training their kids at the appropriate age – just like any other parent. It is one of the first rites of passage for a human being. What they say about toilet training is never different from what others say. Never have I seen a case where an ABDL parent refused to train their kid, just because they are ABDLs!
Some people think toilet-training is a necessary evil. But I disagree with that label. Because while a child may cry, whine, be terrified, withhold their poop, get constipated and so on, eventually it conditions them to deal with a bodily need in a way that’s best for society’s good. Mountains of diapers in landfills?
Ultimately, I feel that as a diaper-wearing adult, revisiting this milestone helps me to think about the decisions that have shaped me into who I am. I was day-trained by 3, but only fully toilet-trained at 4+, late by Asian standards. My other cousins were trained by 3, but my youngest cousin sister would only poop in a diaper, until she was 4+. However our circumstances were very different, I was raised by my grandma while she was raised at daycare.
As long as we continue to wear diapers, people will continue to search for answers about why we were stopped from wearing diapers, and why we started again.