Merry Christmas!

Enjoy the festive season, even if you aren’t celebrating. Who doesn’t love holidays?

I was out shopping last night with my parents, on christmas eve. One sister is due back home next week, while another went for a slumber party with her schoolmates.

I felt this extreme sense of loneliness. It was the festive season and everyone was busy being happy. But I felt very alone. My first sister is doing all she can to stay in Australia, while the other is a social, friends-before-family type.

I really wish I had someone close to talk to, someone to confide all my secrets with, the big and the little. I really want a partner, a friend whom I can just talk. But I’m always jittery around girls, and make it an Indian girl and my mind goes blank.

Truth is, the pool of Indian girls is tiny to begin with. And then, most of them are very social beings, and are unwilling to accept anything that defies convention. But I want a future partner who is not only accepting of my diaper-usage, but wholeheartedly takes part in it.

If you haven’t noticed yet from my writings, I wish to care for a girl who wears diapers when she need to go. This whole idea makes my sound like a creep who has a scary diaper fetish. But the diaper isn’t sexual for me. It is a comfort item. That adds a web of complexity to things.

I admit that one should not wish for a girlfriend because they are lonely. Rather, they must be ready for such a huge responsibility. People say that University days are the right times to enter and explore complex friendships like this, but I’d first have to fix the nervousness that  envelops me when a girl enters the room.

But I digress. I guess that I first have to start doing things that I really want to do. Things like trekking, travelling(I already do this, just solo), photography. THat’s where I can get to meet like-minded people. Thats where I’ll stop feeling lonely.

– Selv

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